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"I wish that tortoise would stop chasing me around! I also wish I could walk. But at this point I'd settle for the tortoise not chasing me around."
[via The Clearly Dope]
Typically, I'll follow anyone who graffitis their Twitter account name on the seat of a subway train in permanent marker with the message #Follow.
Sure, I don't know anything about you except that you're the kind of jerk who will deface a helpless subway train to promote a Twitter account.
In fact, it doesn't even bother me that you spelled "naturaly" wrong.
But the G train?! That's like the worst train in all of New York City.
#TwitterPromotionFail
Has anyone else been annoyed by these "Who to follow" lists that recently popped up on Twitter?
At first, I just tried to ignore it. No, I don't want to follow MacGruber. I'm the only one in America who actually saw the movie! What more do you want from me!?
Eventually, I began pounding on the "X" buttons to make them go away, but they just kept coming back like the Terminator T-1000. They couldn't be destroyed.
And then it happened… The same suggestion came up twice. I had entered a "Who to follow" wormhole where suggestions are able to look back upon themselves.
"Who would you like to follow, Mike?" I could hear Twitter asking in its lifeless, monotone, robotic voice. "How about Pee-wee Herman?" It pauses. "Or why not try following Pee-wee Herman?"
Now, I don't know Pee-wee Herman. I'm not even sure if he's a real person. (He isn't, is he?) I don't necessarily want to be following him. But I couldn't resist. Twitter had bent time and space. And so I followed him. I followed Pee-wee Herman.
Twitter won. I clicked on "X" after "X" after "X" and yet I could never fully terminate the "Who to follow" list. They broke me, but they had to alter the cosmos itself to make it happen.
Anyway, ball's in your court, Herman. Hope you have some great tweets up your sleeve.
For one brief moment, Twitter users had found the key: the way to make anyone on Twitter follow them whether they liked it or not.
As Mashable reported yesterday, users could get anyone to follow them by tweeting the word "accept" and the username of the account they wanted to be following them.
Conan O'Brien's account suddenly jumped from 1 follower to nearly 200, causing him to send out the tweet above. Ha! That Conan… So jolly for an unemployed guy… (unlike my dad).
Needless to say this bug was the "roofies" of social media: Sure you could get people to follow you, but you didn't feel good about it the next morning. And eventually you all knew you'd get caught… which is what happened.
Twitter reports they have fixed the bug and are rolling back all the accounts that exploited it. I guess it's for the best. Justin Bieber probably didn't want to be following me anyway. Probably…
Featuring some of the latest Twitter and Facebook comments about Tosh.0.
Tosh.0 superfan Kati Kennan wants to follow the show with rope and a camera!
But why? Are we going to build a rope swing on camera? Are you going to take pictures of us jumping rope? Are we going to film a game of Tug O' War?
Wait, we can't do any of these fun things with a yard of rope. Do you know how little a yard of rope is? If you're going to follow the show with rope it should be at least 10 feet long. At least.
Or why don't you just follow the blog and Daniel's Twitter account instead? That way things don't get too out of hand before JUNE 2nd.
Yesterday, Maxim.com posted an article entitled "100 Twitter Accounts Every Guy Should Follow."
It's a hell of a list, especially if you're looking to clog up your Twitter account with a bunch of childish nonsense, celebrity babble and toilet humor.
In fact, the list seems to serve better as a list of accounts every guy would want to unfollow. Allow me to elaborate by drawing from their list:
#80. Hugh Hefner — Great idea to follow this guy… if you get off on reading about the mundane activities of a horny geriatric. No one reads Playboy to get an inside track to Hugh's thoughts.
#79. Ashton Kutcher — Really? Guys should be following Ashton Kutcher?? Guys??? Welcome to being out-of-touch, Maxim.
#57. NHL — No one follows the NHL anymore. Even on Twitter.
#55. NASCAR on Fox — Alright, this is a small point of contention, but Maxim says "accounts every guy should follow." Not every guy lives in the south, okay?
#9. My Drunk Texts — Aka, "Someone else's Annoying B.S."
#4. Farted — Maxim says this is "An account that does nothing but re-Tweet fart-inspired Tweets. God bless America." Yeah, that sounds awesome. Can't wait to have that in my feed. Idiots.
#3. Borat — Oh wait, Maxim? Is it 2006??
#21. Maxim Magazine — Uh, no thanks.
Why don't you just follow @danieltosh? That's really all you need.
Yesterday, Huffington Post published their list of "50 Funny People You Should Be Following On Twitter."
Just what I need… 50 comedians trying too hard in 140 characters or less.
But seriously, I'd be more concerned if you are following one of these 10 terribly unfunny Twitter accounts:
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