How To Use An Inner Tube Romantically When You're On Your Own:
1) Flatten inner tube
2) Cut hole in it (size of Oreo)
3) Go to Marine Supply Office… Depot.†Buy rubber hosing, put around the hole of the inner tube. It will look like Janice Dickinson's lips.
4) Find pleasure by yourself in a beautiful body of water (trees, birds chirping, doves honking)
5) Insert your pleasure body parts into the hole
6) Push and pull inner tube
7) Smile, act like nothing's happening
8) Send Christmas card to inner tube company.