If you haven't heard yet, Tila Tequila was attacked over the weekend at The Gathering of the Juggalos. And if you haven't heard, I envy you. TMZ recently released the above footage of Tila's "performance."
Now, I'm not going to support anyone getting attacked for any reason. (I'm one of those bleeding hearts who keeps whining that we should get out of Afghanistan.)
But, if I had to get behind a public assaulting, I'd say targets don't get much more worthy than Tila Tequila.
For someone who's life is built around public exposure, Ms. Tequila has been hiding her entire life. Hiding behind a fake name. Hiding behind the digital barriers of sites like Myspace and Twitter. Hiding behind the pages of magazines. Hiding within the fake reality of reality TV. Hiding within the buffered celebrity circles of Los Angeles.
So here's the deal, Tila: If you're going to take your shit out to Hardin County, Illinois , you better be prepared for some first-hand, middle-American feedback. And if you can't handle that, don't go out to The Gathering of the Juggalos. With all your success, you probably want people to think you're more intelligent than you let on. If that's the case, you should have known what you were getting into.
However, if your plan is to continue to act like a spoiled little child your entire life, I'd recommend you continue to hide, because the rest of the world doesn't take kindly to that kind of shit. Bitch.
Hm… Maybe I could fit in with the Juggalos after all?
I've never really felt one way or another about Juggalos. It's not inherently funny. And I'm a "live and let live" kind of guy, so as long as where they're living isn't in my building and they don't murder any of my relatives (the ones I like), they can go on doing whatever they want to do.
But then, I saw this year's video, when it all made sense…
Around the 4:25 mark, they announce the comedians who will be performing… Tom Green, Gallagher (he'll be "up in this bitch though, smashing watermelons with the Sledge-O-Matic and shit") and Ron Jeremy.
I was stunned. It's like The Gathering took the most rejected, unwanted comedians on the face of the planet… and accepted them.
I am one of the most disliked comedians on the planet! That's why I'm forced to earn a living writing for the Tosh.0 blog. The show calls me names and beats me up… makes fun of me because I am different and not good at my job and not particularly well educated
But the Juggalos will accept me! All I have to do is wear some makeup and listen to terrible derivative hip-hop and the Juggalos will let me be one of them. Finally, I might achieve what I have never had before… acceptance. Now I know why people join the Juggalos!