genius

It's like a baby bjorn for lonely fat people.

[via Acid Cow]

I'd make out with anyone who thinks I'm the hottest one at a party.

As the great and powerful Daniel Tosh once said, "There isn't a girl in here that wouldn't like to go home tonight with a blue ribbon on."

[via Failblog]

"I can't wait to go home and masturbate 5 inches away from my girlfriend's vagina."

[via Izismile]

AND it doesn't swear in rap songs.

[via Uber Humor]

Like you've done anything better with your day?

[via tyleroakley]

You can also make your own paper towels by duct taping two rolls of toilet paper together. #EvenGeniuser

[P.S.  Bonus points to this guy for using a cutting board.]

[via There, I Fixed It]

"Wait a minute…  You're saying you can also put toast in that thing?  You're shitting me, right??"

[via Pleated Jeans]

The latest Internet celebrity is Jake Barnett.  At 12-years-old, he is one year younger than Rebecca Black, but has gained notoriety for completely opposite reasons.

He's a frickin' genius.

Reportedly, he has an IQ of 170 (slightly higher than Einstein) and despite suffering from Asperger's Syndrome (you know, that disease that makes you a genius), he does relatively well in front of a camera when doing things like discussing how to tackle Calculus 2 problems.

His mom on the other hand… not so great.

We get it!  People who watch Ellen are idiots!  Only some sort of Ellen-watching idiot would have to repeat that fact over and over again.

Though this whole story probably confuses you guys.  You watch Tosh.0.

But seriously, if any of you can help Jake's mom by answering Jake's question, STOP WASTING YOUR LIFE AND GO FIX SOCIETY!

[via Geekologie]

The problem with letting children follow their dreams is that sometimes those children suck.

[via TBT]

The Daily What declared that "I?d say give this lady a laziness award but she?d probably be too lazy to accept it."

More like give this woman a genius award for being a genius!

In a fast food restaurant, you're surrounded by chairs.  Why not grab one and take a seat?!  It's like, at waterparks, why aren't the lines in the water?

Why aren't the lines in the water?!?

But seriously, I'm bored.  Let's have a vote.  Lazy or Genius?

[image via Reddit]