girls

Since you spend all day on the Tosh blog, here's what you're missing on the rest of the web:

• Japanese toilet candy lets you drink out of the toilet like you've always dreamed!
• This Chinese airport worker doesn't give a SHIT about your packages.
• Places I've Pooped app. Because you don't wanna blow up the same place twice.
• A baby ostrich falling asleep. He's tired of not being able to fly. GET IT?!
• Justin Bieber allegedly hit a paparazzo with his car! And when I say "hit" I mean "that photographer should grow some balls because he barely touched him."
• Women's POV is the best POV. Boobies.
• Mac and cheese, fried chicken and mashed potato burrito. For your diet's cheat day.
• Kanye West's Yeezus promo is an American Psycho parody with Scott Disick. Can Scott Disick act? No.
• A news anchor got a liiiittle bit confused on air. Style and grace up in this place.
• Scout the dog vs a toy helicopter. Short and sweet, just like Danny DeVito.
• And Jon Gosselin ruined the Ed Hardy brand. Weird because I thought their douchey, ugly fucking clothes are what ruined the brand.

[still via Tastefully Offensive]

Since you spend all day on the Tosh blog, here's what you're missing on the rest of the web:

• The best (fake) tweet about Kim and Kanye's baby. If it were real I'd like Taylor Swift a lot.
• A drunk chick falling over. Flipping tables with her face and shit.
• Father's Day Rube Goldberg. Remember Tosh's Nutcracker Rube Goldberg??
• Fabio picking people up at Whole Foods. What's weird is I've literally seen him at a Whole Foods before.
• 8 bizarre overdoses. Mine would be Fun Dip.
• LOTS of pics of girls and their boobs. Monday? More like Funday.
• A rave dancer who knows a thing or two about popping.
• 50 best bathroom graffitis. I usually just write my number and some tits.
• A great dane won't get out of his bed. And by bed I mean one with a frame and everything.
• Guinea Pig armor makes total sense. So many uses.
• A bear climbs a tree and scares the shit out of this guy who happens to be in it.
• And pizza nachos. Mind blown.

[photo via No Way Girl]

Since you spend all day on the Tosh blog, here's what you're missing on the rest of the web:

• Eyeball licking is a thing in Japan, and it's causing pink eye. Neat.
• Advice from TV dads, which somehow doesn't include "stay off the pole."
• A Kate Upton naked body paint gif. It looks like she's wearing clothes but she isn't!!
• 29 people who are doing it right. 30 if you count me not wearing pants right now.
• A baby tries to eat the food in a magazine. What a stupid baby!
• Behind the scenes at the Tonys looks STRESSFUL.
• A ladybug playing with sprinkles is my #1 find of the day.
• One Million Moms doesn't like the new sexy Kraft ads. What, you don't want to be One Million Horny Moms?
• 10 facts about farting is both silly and informative.
• Girls in yoga pants. Guys, you'll only get them if you lose the beer gut.
• And a bonus link! The women of the Hooter's swimsuit pageant. What the hell is that, you ask? Good question.

[still via Huffington Post]

Since you spend all day on the Tosh blog, here's what you're missing on the rest of the web:

• 12 boob gifs. I just tried to grab my computer screen.
• Parakeets running in slow motion, which pairs nicely with almost any genre of music.
• Cow farts could one day fuel planes. In terms of cow parts, farts are really the only thing we DON'T use.
• A guy had an erection for 8 months. That's what you get for getting a dick implant.
• Dogs out the window will make you question every stress you have in life.
• Miley Cyrus has a grill now. She could barely talk before!
• Here's a guy dancing at an electronics expo, dancing pretty much how you'd expect from someone attending an electronics expo.
• Facebook has hashtags now. #ohyeahnothatsreallycoolwealllovehashtags.
• A couple married at Ikea. Their first, second, and third courses were all Swedish meatballs.
• An idiot called the police on his hooker because she wasn't hot enough. Wait not all hookers are hot?!
• And girls in towels, because I'm a sweetheart.

[still via I am Bored]

Jerry was surprised to learn that he and these curious creatures had the very same fleshy lumps on their chest.

[via The Chive]

Since you spend all day on the Tosh blog, here's what you're missing on the rest of the web:

• The Will and Kate FaceSwap that conquers all other Will and Kate FaceSwaps.
• Here's Miley Cyrus twerking on stage with Juicy J. Liam must be thrilled.
• A crow that thinks he's a rooster. Stupid crow! You're a crow!
• Boob stress balls are definitely appropriate for work.
• The German Snuff Championships yield some of the silliest tobacco-in-nose photos ever.
• Breast milk flavored lollipops better be just for babies.
• A bear trying to drive a truck. Haven't you been to a circus? They can do stuff like that.
• Hot girls' titties! It's like a boob Christmas in the links today.
• A man broke into someone's home and demanded $3. He obviously REALLY wanted to buy a Vitamin Water.
• 10 unfortunate spelling mistaykes. See what I did there?
• A classic rope swing fail. Chick just face plants the shit out of that ground.
• And a baby thinks his dad's mole is a nipple. Because ew.

[photo via Buzzfeed]

Since you spend all day on the Tosh blog, here's what you're missing on the rest of the web:

• Funny TV freeze frames. I feel like I'd love to be attacked by Cheetos.
• Semen is the newest superfood. Let me know when Odwalla starts selling it.
• This 2Chainz freestyle is… well okay it's bad.
• 7 wedding dresses made out of toilet paper. Who says trailer park weddings can't be FANCY?
• Here are the Miss USA competitors. Helllllo Miss Alabama!
• Steven Seagal dancing. When is he going to pull out weapons and go beast mode?
• A penis drawing robot! If there's one thing we need a robot to do in 2013, it's draw a dick.
• Hot blondes, who certainly look like they're having more fun.
• 20 celebs on Vine. Snoop Dogg's wake and bake is obviously the winner.
• And another Mister Rogers Remix. You just can't have too many.

[photo via World Wide Interweb]

Since you spend all day on the Tosh blog, here's what you're missing on the rest of the web:

• Froggy Fresh has a new track called Dunked On. He'd make a good point guard. 
• Here's an education video on women from 1959. Fuckin' Myrtle, you dumb bitch.
• Club Kid! I bet he LOVES Calvin Harris.
• A chick let the Powerball winner cut her in line when they bought tickets. Oh no you di'int.
• Weird McDonalds items from other countries. The only thing better than sweet tea is a McBeer.
• Your daily dose of hot girls! Since I know you aren't around them in real life.
• A little girl gave herself a haircut. It's no worse than anything Lena Dunham has rocked.
• Classic fence fail. The stuff dreams are made of.
• A husky on the baseball field! How many dog jokes can the announcers bark out?
• A woman had $500 worth of sex toys stolen from her car. Also, is kinda cute.
• And here's a deer just raging through a taco restaurant. Looks like me on a Saturday night.

[still via YouTube]

Since you spend all day on the Tosh blog, here's what you're missing on the rest of the web:

• 30 subtitles gone wrong.<<blogging loudly>>
• Craigslist ad looking for a skinny person. Just crushing it at being a parent.
• Here's a butcher knife purse. Jesus Christ, Hot Topic. Get it together.
• Scream therapy is super fucking stupid. But I feel much better now.
• A kid tries to break into an ice cream truck. I pray for children this awesome.
• Michael Douglas got throat cancer from eating out Catherine Zeta-Jones. Ew.
• 50 funniest caucasian gangster photos of all time. So much (suburban) street cred!
• The backs of chicks! Hold the T… today's all about the A.
• $1 billion dollars worth of cocaine was headed to the US. Somewhere Robin Williams' ears just perked up.
• This Beatles cover is the best Beatles cover that has ever existed.
• 30 online idiots, even though there are about ten million more out there.
• And an underwear subscription service. I'd rather you buy me a subscription to Us Weekly, but okay.

[photo via Buzzfeed]

This could have happened to anyone. Who is blind and/or having a stroke.

[via Acid Cow]