girls

Since you spend all day on the Tosh blog, here's what you're missing on the rest of the web:

• A grown ass man got stuck in a high chair and had to call 911. PS his friends left him there.
• This clip from HBO's Real Sex is one of those WOW moments. I've played it ten times already.
• A drunk angry guy cut off his penis to get back at his girlfriend. Sound logic.
• Tobias Funke in The Shining. This scene still makes me want to pee my cutoffs.
• Girls in and around water is all kinds of sexy! Stay hydrated, kids.
• 'Follow me/Bring beer' sandals. I should say both of those things to potential suitors.
• Kim Kardashian's pregnant feet are- AHHHH.
• A Papa John's delivery guy was busted for delivering $40,000 worth of cocaine. Did he include the garlic sauce??
• Dharma eats spaghetti. Is the singular for spaghetti still spaghetti? She eats ONE spaghetti.
• Justin Bieber has 24 hours to claim his monkey, is definitely not going to.
• A dude rubbed his dick on some pepperoni in a grocery store because why not?
• Bonus Link: Mama June's portrait, which to be honest reminds me of Kim Kardashian's pregnant feet.

[photo via Gawker]

Since you spend all day on the Tosh blog, here's what you're missing on the rest of the web:

• An extreme unibrow. Or as I like to call it, "forehead mustache."
• Proof that Taylor Swift is a Satan worshipper from the past. As if you needed proof!
• My Bike is just an excellent rap song by children.
• Here are some bikini girls because your attention span is very short.
• Let's play Real Or Fake: Bird Catch. I say real because I WANT IT TO BE REAL.
• Cooking With Skrillex is internet gold. But where's his half-hairnet?
• 10 awesome Vine videos. Warning: nobody's naked. :(
• Easy breakfasts, because you're literally too stupid to feed yourself.
• Rich parents hire handicapped Disney tour guides so their kids can skip the lines. This story is perfect on so many levels.
• A pug watches the final scene in Homeward Bound. SHADOW!!!!
• Bonus Link: One Tiny Hand. Yes it's old, yes it's still fabulous.

[photo via Vidiload]

Since you spend all day on the Tosh blog, here's what you're missing on the rest of the web:

• White Will Smith. What the WHAT.
• Meanwhile, At McDonalds… People are disgusting human beings.
• The Dress Drake App is exactly what you'd expect. You dress Drake.
• A guy tries to break a car window with his head. Nope.
• How old is Jay-Z? Well he's from the 19th century, if that answers your question.
• Girls love mirrors. Guys love girls' bodies. Here are girl's bodies in mirrors.
• Ryan Gosling not eating his cereal, because it's Friday and I dare you not to smile at this.
• This parakeet's got a lot to say. Weird that he's never heard the phrase, "shut the fuck up".
• Is this the dumbest tweet ever? Thanks, Dwight Howard.
• 25 best pro wrestling glamour shots. Feathers and glitter and shit.
• And a bonus link! The excuse generator. I swear it wasn't my fault, the ghost of Hitler came on me.

Since you spend all day on the Tosh blog, here's what you're missing on the rest of the web:

• Excellent mug shots. Somebody's rockin' the smoky eye!
• Tan Mom's music single IS the internet.
• A man got sent a threatening dildo. I wonder if he kept it.
• How to make a graduation cap flask so you can be a shitshow in front of your girlfriend's parents.
• This is the best shopping list ever, even though she forgot Fudgesicles.
• Sexy girls' underboobs! Most of the real weight's down there anyway.
• Here's the Charles Ramsey interview. Yes, salsa dancing.
• 5 most ridiculous lies ever told to impress a woman. Why isn't "My dick is huge" on there?
• Lewiston, Maine residents respond to the fires, are just classy to the max.
• And JA RULE IS OUT OF PRISON!! It must be the ass, that got me like that…

Since you spend all day on the Tosh blog, here's what you're missing on the rest of the web:

• Mama June got married in a camo dress. Ironically, I wish I hadn't seen her in it. 
• A very vulgar kid, who I can only assume is Mike The Miz twenty years ago.
• Baby eyebrows are all kinds of scary.
• Jose Canseco is great at Twitter. But Shaq's better.
• Sexy girls in sports bras, anyone? My diet starts Monday. Ah fuck it IS Monday.
• This chick took a calculator to prom. I wonder if it took her V-card (Volume card).
• Here's a baby water-skiing in gross water. Parenting, amiright?
• Mother's Day gift guide! Which is 85% kitchen-related.
• Old lady twins who always dress the same? They've spent their entire husbandless lives arguing about which necklace they're going to wear.
• And IRON MAN 3 FULL MOVIE STREAMING ONLINE FOR FREE!! You're welcome.

[photo via Buzzfeed]

Since you spend all day on the Tosh blog, here's what you're missing on the rest of the web:

• The worst hairdos ever, and by worst I think they mean best
• Instagram unbanned ThatLooksLikeADick. Thank God because I love looking at penis clouds and whatnot.
• A guy called 911 EIGHTY times requesting Kool-Aid, burgers and weed. He got arrested.
• New Pizza Hut App lets you order on your Xbox. Go on, you lazy fucks! Enjoy!
• Painting a hot dog on your iPad using hot dogs. He's disguised his voice so I'm guessing this was made by Donald Trump.
• Happy Hump Day! Here are more girl's asses. Don't say I didn't do you any favors.
• 50 most ridiculous man caves. If you have one of these you'll stay single because ew.
• Here's what Bruce Jenner looks like this week. The Kardashian Klan has finally turned him into a woman!
• And Andrew Bynum flamenco dancing. Because why not.

[photo via World Wide Interweb]

Each week we'll give you the gift of an internet classic, from the dark days pre-Tosh.0 blog. 

I swear to God one of those girls is Lady Gaga.

[via Best Viral]

Pretty impressive 'til you realize he's also shitting and pissing himself.

[via Acid Cow]

Featuring some of the latest Twitter and Facebook comments about Tosh.0.

Guess we're gonna have to up our awkward-and-unnecessary-nudity game.

Sure, Tonya's hot. But I wish she'd do something about that handsome black tumor.

[via Izismile]