government

Featuring some of the latest Twitter and Facebook comments about Tosh.0.

Tosh is on twelve times in the next 24 hours.

Just what we need…  Another "Washington insider" running for office.

[via Whatevs dot net]

I am sad to report that, at approximately 1pm yesterday afternoon, an innocent American citizen, known at this time only as @wiggsd, was RickRoll'd by the U.S. Government.

In response to a tweet from Mr. @wiggsd regarding a briefing not being "nearly as entertaining as yesterday's," the official White House Twitter account fired back with an unprovoked RickRoll.  (Tweet seen above.  Yes, that tinyurl leads to the RickRoll in question.)

First they RickRoll'd @wiggsd,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't on Twitter.

Then they RickRoll'd the people on Google+,
and I didn't speak out because I hadn't been invited to Google+ yet.

Then they RickRoll'd me
and there was no one left to RickRoll.

But there is good news…  The government has finally reached an agreement on the debt crisis.

[via The Daily What]

This scandal is making me so upset I just want to EXPLODE.

[via The High Definite]

On Friday, it was reportedthat the government began a crackdown on major online poker sites Full Tilt Poker, PokerStars and Absolute Poker, charging operators with fraud and money laundering and seizing their websites, effectively ending real money play in the U.S.

Below is a letter drafted by an online poker player to the U.S. Government.

Dear The Government,

Over the weekend, after reading an article in the New York Postand repeatedly attempting to sign in to my Full Tilt Poker account, it came to my attention that you have shut down a number of online poker sites.

Kudos to you!  Such actions are long overdue!  Hopefully some of this info will help your prosecution…

Since joining Full Tilt Poker, I have lost over $8,600 to people I don't even know!Prior to online gambling, I used to partake in a weekly poker match at a friend's house.  There, I had a number of options for recouping my losses: uncontrollable sobbing about needing to buy my kid a birthday present, stealing an item of commensurate value, threats of physical violence, etc.  But with online gambling, who am I supposed to flash my handgun at in an attempt to get my cash back?  No one, that's who! more...

Yesterday afternoon, Gawker broke the story and by that evening Congressman Chris Lee (R-NY) had resigned.

Gossip site Gawker outed Rep. Lee for lying about his marital status and sending the uber-sexy topless photo seen above to a woman he found in Craigslist's personals section.  The married politician almost immediately decided to leave office citing "the harm that my actions have caused my family, my staff and my constituents."

Now, I assume that Chris is a regular reader of the Tosh.0 blog, so I'd appreciate it if the rest of you could stop reading here so I could have a minute with him myself…

Come on, dude?  Craigslist?  You know why most political sex scandals involve call girls and prostitutes?  Because you pay those people money.  And money keeps people quiet.  That's like Politics 101.  Worst case scenario, they try to blackmail you, you pay them more cash.  It's a vicious cycle, but it's a cycle you can control.

And you used your personal Gmail account??  Are you kidding me?  I use an old anonymous Hotmail account on Craigslist if I'm trying to find a used bookshelf.  You didn't realize she'd be able to Google your email address and find out who you were?  What should of given that away is that Google runs Gmail.  You know, Gmail — that thing you're using to send pictures of your congressional pecs to strangers.

And let's talk about those pecs for a second.  Sure, you're in decent shape, but a tight T-shirt wasn't good enough for you?  Or you don't have a pic of you at the beach?  I'm not a woman, but I'm pretty sure if I had to define the word "creepy" with a picture, it'd be of a middle-aged man taking a shirtless photo of himself in a mirror with his cell phone.  The flexing was a nice touch though.

But two years in Congress was a hell of a run for a guy who's this stupid.  You're like a kid who joins the Mafia and immediately starts bragging about all the crimes he commits.  Two years is a long time to not get whacked.  You should take pride in that …the same way you take pride in your body.

We'll miss you, man…

Alright, hopefully no one but former Congressman Chris Lee read that.  It got pretty real.

[via Gawker]

We received over eight hundred comments for our most recent Tosh.0 Caption Challenge!  (Turns out you guys didn't love Doggy UN.  I don't blame you.)

This week's winning caption comes from one of our mobile users: ur mom.

To enter our next Tosh.0 Caption Challenge using your phone, and to sign up for alerts whenever the latest caption challenge begins, text TOSHSMOM to 44686. To cancel, text END to 44686.

I haven't seen this many bitches since the finale of The Hills.

Thanks to everyone who submitted!  Check back Monday at 4pm for another edition the Tosh.0 Caption Challenge!

Think you have a better caption for this image? Post your own joke about this picture in the comments. Then check back Friday at noon when we'll post our favorite!

The resolution condemning cats passes by a resounding 192 – 0 vote.

Porno is awesome.  Everybody knows that.

And the government is boring.  Again, common knowledge.

Want proof?  That's why they can charge money for porn channels on TV but give you C-SPAN for free.

But if you work in government, you may want to avoid looking at porn while using your laptop on the floor of the State Senate.

That seems like it should be common knowledge, but Florida State Senator Mike Bennett apparently has gotten into some trouble on this front, as can be seen in the video above.

But the real debate here has become whether or not what he's looking at even qualifies as porn.  I mean, it's just some topless women on the beach.

TITTIES!

[via Sunshine State News]

The U.K.'s Mail Online reported yesterday that "an air passenger was arrested under the Terrorism Act and held in a police cell for seven hours after joking on Twitter he would blow an airport 'sky high' if his flight was delayed."

This reinforces a very valuable lesson: Twitter is intended to let your friends know what your doing… but the government isn't your friend.  Not by a long shot.  Why do you think they charge you taxes every year?  It's because they don't like you.

But like any good enemy, the government is always tracking you online so they can exploit any possible mistakes you may make.

That's why you have to be careful what you tweet.  Because the government knows that when the terrorists do strike again, they'll certainly broadcast that information publicly to the world via Twitter.  That's how good terrorists operate.

I might get arrested for spreading this classified information online (they're watching me too, you know) but the real reason they were able to apprehend the underwear bomber is because he tweeted, "i'm not happy to see you. that IS a bomb in my pants. LOL!" before boarding the plane.