halloween

I'd make out with anyone who thinks I'm the hottest one at a party.

As the great and powerful Daniel Tosh once said, "There isn't a girl in here that wouldn't like to go home tonight with a blue ribbon on."

[via Failblog]

Hey, keep at it. Maybe someday you'll ravage a hot dog stand.

[via Unique Daily]

..But mostly because I had a giant shell on my back.

[via Kuvaton]

Please let this be the last thing I see before I die in a hurricane.

[via The Chive]

He started kicking five seconds after she had sex.

[via I am Bored]

Comes with the following pick-up line: "Girl, why wait 'til Thanksgiving when you can get some good stuffing right now?"

[Via Rats Off!]

Why buy a homeless guy a meal when your cat can have a degrading costume.

[via The Clearly Dope]

Do you guys have an Asian version for my infant son?

[via Jezebel]

Halloween: the best time of the year to be severely unemployed.

[via HappyPlace]

"You know that guy I made out with on Halloween? He turned out to be a real dog anus."

[via CollegeHumor]