headline

Is it hot out here or is it just me? Because I'm standing over a giant charcoal grill.

[via reddit]

Ask me again after they find that rapist.

[via I Am Bored]

"Well, if he didn't become friends with that damn bear then I would have taken him in a more reasonable manner!" -Death

[MSNBC via FilmDrunk]

I think the answer you're searching for is 'duh'.

And you thought it was bad that time the hairdresser cut your sideburns too short! Next time you're whining about anything just remember, you could be in Russia.

Good thing they caught him before he lured in any of the kiddies with his candy!

[via reddit]

"It will give you experience for if you happen to have a problem like this later in life," former queen Savanna Steed said with a smile. "You already have the experience of riding a stick horse!"

Horse herpes: useful for later in life.

[KSL via The Daily What]

According to Gawker:

Police in Charleston, West Virginia, found Mark Thompson wandering around the woods in a bra and panties and covered in the blood of his neighbor's pygmy goat. He had been high on "bath salts" for three days.

Wow. More like Bloodbath and Body Works. Am I right?!?

(Sorry.)

Girls' schools? What is this? The 1920s?

Oh, wait. I didn't see the headline.

Yes, girls' schools. GREAT IDEA.

[via Buzzfeed]

Sorry about the cheesy headline.

[via B&P]

Dear Mr. Headline Writer Man,

You're the best.

Love,

Everybody

[via Eat Liver]