hockey

A hundred mothers who dropped their daughters off in Red Wings jerseys are sobbing uncontrollably right now.

[via Failblog]

"You can't control me. This is the land of the free, home of the brave!!!"

And don't forget to check out the other people who deserve fame!

[via College Humor]

Your weekly guide to the source material used in this week's episode of Tosh.0.

• Skateboard Poop (above)
• Punch Punch Kick
• Dead Fish in Leg
• Towel Bat Fail
• Foreign Water Skiing
• Video Breakdown raw clip: Goose Attacks Man
• Hockey Coach Trips Kid
• Web Redemption raw clip: Juggalo Rapper Kid
• It Hurts!
• I'm a Ghost (open house)

Luckily we've got all these signs being held up at hockey games to keep it straight.

[via The Chive]

WE WERE SKINNIER BUT THE SAME AMOUNT OF SLUTTY

DO U REMEMBER

[calm down @massholesports, via izismile]

Featuring some of the latest Twitter and Facebook comments about Tosh.0.

I believe it. We take care of our fans.

Would the Stanley Cup Final post your tweet, Jamie? Huh? Would it?!?

Yeah, that's what I thought.

You scratch our back and we'll get an intern to scratch yours.

According to my favorite site on the Internet — TinEye — this image is old as dirt.

But it's new to The High Definite and it's new to me, so if it's new to you… you're welcome.  You've had a long week so far.  You deserve it.

Many of you are probably saying, "Mike, another Olympic Recap??  The Olympics ended two days ago!"

Yeah, I hadn't really noticed.  Did you notice?

Well, here's the deal: The United States lost the Olympics!

Supposedly, the Olympics were tied through regulation and they actually had to extend the Olympics — an unprecedented move! — to determine a winner.  But Canada prevailed.

The Olympics then resumed on Monday with the Red Wings defeating the Avalanche.

In meaningless sports, the U.S. claimed to have won the most medals, which is kind of bullshit, since when it comes to gold medals, we tied for 3rd with Norway.  Yes!  We are equally as good as Norway!

We did have the most silver and bronze medals, however, which proves that an American is always willing to phone it in when it really counts.

So to summarize: We lost, but despite losing, we proved we are the best at not winning.  Quite an achievement.  One that would have made Norway proud…

Just two years until the Real Olympics!  Hopefully, I'll still have this job to provide you with far superior Summer Olympic Recaps!  Somehow, I doubt it.

"Oh sh*t, bitch." He delivers that line with enough energy to power New York for a day! Imagine the stage presence were he to go on tour! The video screens at his stage show better zoom in exactly that much on his face.

This is YouTube user "613JoeSomebody," and in case you can't understand what he's rapping about, he's from that hot rap scene in Ottawa, Ontario. 613 is the area code for Ottawa. He pretty much repeats those two things the whole time so that should explain about 80% of his flow.

Ontario is just not a location you want to be rapping about. Try saying "muthaf*ckin Canada" like a badass. It's hard. I tried "I puck so much you'd think I play hockey" in a rap battle last night and I couldn't pull it off.

That line's for you, Joe Somebody. It's all yours.

613, out.

[via VideoGum]