holidays

Santa's method of travel isn't as glamorous in the Pacific Islands.

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[photo: Yoshikazu Tsuno/Staff/AFP/Getty Images]

They may take our lives, but they'll never take… OUR FREEDOM!

Oh, and they may also prevent us from buying alcohol on certain days, but when that happens we'll… QUIETLY ACCEPT IT!

Anyway, this is a real sign for a real liquor store in Moore, Oklahoma, where apparently the sale of booze is prohibited on holidays.

This Independence Day, remember to be thankful for America, a country where states are free to pass whatever dumb laws they want and we are free to choose to live in a different state.

Now which dumb states will let me buy illegal fireworks…

[via The High Definite/Reddit]

I have a lot of respect for mothers: It's not easy getting shitty Mother's Day cards from your stupid kids and having to think, "I gave birth to this dumbass!?  I'm stuck with this idiot 'til he's 18??"

[via I Am Bored]

One thing that often gets overlooked about 4/20 is how close it is to Easter.  In fact, Easter occasionally falls on April 20th.  It happened back in 2003 and will happen again in 2014.

Did people see Jesus rising from the grave because they were blazingly high?  Probably.  That's for the courts to decide.

But regardless, in honor of both 4/20 and Easter, I present to you this photograph of a rabbit smoking dope.

Did the Easter Bunny start collecting candy eggs because he had the munchies?

Yes, that is a proven fact.

And this is kind of off topic, but the dude who invented Peeps had to have totally been high.

[via What-A-Bong]

I almost forgot I wanted to give you this classic Tosh.0 clip as a gift: The Ultimate Stoner Video.

But 1pm is better late than never.  Plus any good stoner isn't even awake until after noon.

Ha, my spell check doesn't think "stoner" is a real word.  Silly spell check.  I'll show you who's a real word.

Goodbye.

Forever Alone is one of the many offshoots of Rageguy comics (aka FFFUUUUU).  Whereas Rageguy comics make light of the things that piss us off, Forever Alone touches on the things that make us lonely.

But the irony of Forever Alone comics is they can actually make us feel less alone.  They prove that the things that make us feel lonely don't just happen to us, they happen to at least one other person — you know, whoever made the comic.

For many, Valentine's Day is one of the loneliest days of the year.

But here's a bright spot: According to Know Your Meme, the Forever Alone meme first appeared sometime around June 2010.  That means this Valentine's Day is the first ever to be celebrated with Forever Alone!

So, if you're alone this Valentine's, don't wallow in your sadness.  Check out some Forever Alone comics and realize that tons of people out there are just as pathetic as you are!  In fact, they are more pathetic, because they spend their free time making online comics!

You can find some decent Forever Alone archives at Know Your Meme or by searching Reddit.  You can even make your own Forever Alones and buy Forever Alone t-shirts.

Ha, but look at me, telling you where to find them.  You're Forever Alone.  You're probably an expert at using the Internet.

[image via Memebase]

If you get this reference, you're lame.

Love, Mike and Carly

Today is Festivus!

Remember: When the pressures and commercialism of Christmas get you down, there's always a Festivus for the rest of us!

And when the waiting for new episodes of Tosh.0 gets you down, there's always Seinfeld reruns.  Check your local listings.

[via The Daily What]

All of a sudden, your mom's matching-plaid-sweaters-in-front-of-the-tree pose doesn't seem so bad.

[via Awkward Family Photos]

It happens every year: You eat way too much food and become a total fat ass during the holidays.

But it's not just you.  As Redditor soyjesus points out, according to Google Trends, searches for "weight" spike around Christmas and then steadily decline all year… every year… like clockwork.

It's a sad state of affairs really.

Why are people even bothering to search "weight"?  We all know we ate too much.  Why not search "how to get some goddman self-control for a change" or "how to shut my pie hole"?

If not that, then just search for "living with obesity."  At least then you're being honest with yourself.

[via Reddit]