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Since you spend all day on the Tosh blog, here's what you're missing on the rest of the web:

• Craigslist ad of the day. Which reminds me, I should schedule a bikini wax.
• Morgan Freeman fell asleep during an interview. ADORABLE.
• A classic faceplant. Yeah no your neck is totally supposed to bend that way.
• Demi Moore's boyfriend had a pearl put into his dickhole. Anything to make that vag feel young! That's what it's for, right?
• Kesha drank her own piss. It's like her tongue is a pregnancy test.
• Underboobs again! Can you ever really have enough?
• Beardvertising. If it ain't gettin' you laid, might as well make a few bucks off of it.
• Lance Armstrong likes it when people lick his butthole. Allegedly.
• Joe Francis said the jurors on his trial should be shot by a firing squad. But not really cause now he's taking it back.
• And 20 Bob Saget tweets. Don't you wish it was 500 Bob Saget tweets? He's so dirty!

[photo via Barstool]

Since you spend all day on the Tosh blog, here's what you're missing on the rest of the web:

• An extreme unibrow. Or as I like to call it, "forehead mustache."
• Proof that Taylor Swift is a Satan worshipper from the past. As if you needed proof!
• My Bike is just an excellent rap song by children.
• Here are some bikini girls because your attention span is very short.
• Let's play Real Or Fake: Bird Catch. I say real because I WANT IT TO BE REAL.
• Cooking With Skrillex is internet gold. But where's his half-hairnet?
• 10 awesome Vine videos. Warning: nobody's naked. :(
• Easy breakfasts, because you're literally too stupid to feed yourself.
• Rich parents hire handicapped Disney tour guides so their kids can skip the lines. This story is perfect on so many levels.
• A pug watches the final scene in Homeward Bound. SHADOW!!!!
• Bonus Link: One Tiny Hand. Yes it's old, yes it's still fabulous.

[photo via Vidiload]

Since you spend all day on the Tosh blog, here's what you're missing on the rest of the web:

• White Will Smith. What the WHAT.
• Meanwhile, At McDonalds… People are disgusting human beings.
• The Dress Drake App is exactly what you'd expect. You dress Drake.
• A guy tries to break a car window with his head. Nope.
• How old is Jay-Z? Well he's from the 19th century, if that answers your question.
• Girls love mirrors. Guys love girls' bodies. Here are girl's bodies in mirrors.
• Ryan Gosling not eating his cereal, because it's Friday and I dare you not to smile at this.
• This parakeet's got a lot to say. Weird that he's never heard the phrase, "shut the fuck up".
• Is this the dumbest tweet ever? Thanks, Dwight Howard.
• 25 best pro wrestling glamour shots. Feathers and glitter and shit.
• And a bonus link! The excuse generator. I swear it wasn't my fault, the ghost of Hitler came on me.

Posted without comment.

[via Izismile]

Since you spend all day on the Tosh blog, here's what you're missing on the rest of the web:

• The best Lion King rap ever. Rafiki be smokin' that weed and shit.
• A Bad Lip Reading of The Walking Dead. Zombies say the darnest things!
• A hot teacher was banging a 10th grader and got caught because she acted like a 10th grader
• Here's footage of Reese Witherspoon's arrest. 'Murica.
• This little boy fighting a couch is pure gold. That'll teach it not to eat the remote!
• Bad girls bend at the waist. Regular girls do too, if we're being anatomically correct here.
• Guy thinks he has a runny nose for a year. NOPE YOUR BRAIN'S LEAKING.
• She takes pictures with every celebrity. Also, refuses to change hairstyles.
• 25 awkward moments in handshake history. Thank god I just wink at people.
• And let's check in on Amanda Bynes. Guys she's not crazy. That's just how she works out.

[photo via Daily of the Day]

Since you spend all day on the Tosh blog, here's what you're missing on the rest of the web:

• The worst hairdos ever, and by worst I think they mean best
• Instagram unbanned ThatLooksLikeADick. Thank God because I love looking at penis clouds and whatnot.
• A guy called 911 EIGHTY times requesting Kool-Aid, burgers and weed. He got arrested.
• New Pizza Hut App lets you order on your Xbox. Go on, you lazy fucks! Enjoy!
• Painting a hot dog on your iPad using hot dogs. He's disguised his voice so I'm guessing this was made by Donald Trump.
• Happy Hump Day! Here are more girl's asses. Don't say I didn't do you any favors.
• 50 most ridiculous man caves. If you have one of these you'll stay single because ew.
• Here's what Bruce Jenner looks like this week. The Kardashian Klan has finally turned him into a woman!
• And Andrew Bynum flamenco dancing. Because why not.

[photo via World Wide Interweb]

So with a flick of my magic blogging wand…

"Try all you want, Ma. This cruise sucks and I'll probably never smile again."

And don't forget to check out the other people who deserve fame!

[via Videogum]

Did you say something? Sorry I'm busy doing ONE MILLION SQUATS.

[via Barstool]

Here are all of the clips from tonight's episode that are available on our site:

• This week's Web Redemption was Fired For Being Too Hot (above)
• A car drove into a house
• We witnessed some hostile hand gestures in this week's Video Breakdown
• Someone licked a hotel room
• And Daniel celebrated Arbor Day.

Yeah, but does it do anal?

[via Izismile]