Jay-Z

No editing required for Amanda Bynes!

[via Cholafied]

Since you spend all day on the Tosh blog, here's what you're missing on the rest of the web:

• White Will Smith. What the WHAT.
• Meanwhile, At McDonalds… People are disgusting human beings.
• The Dress Drake App is exactly what you'd expect. You dress Drake.
• A guy tries to break a car window with his head. Nope.
• How old is Jay-Z? Well he's from the 19th century, if that answers your question.
• Girls love mirrors. Guys love girls' bodies. Here are girl's bodies in mirrors.
• Ryan Gosling not eating his cereal, because it's Friday and I dare you not to smile at this.
• This parakeet's got a lot to say. Weird that he's never heard the phrase, "shut the fuck up".
• Is this the dumbest tweet ever? Thanks, Dwight Howard.
• 25 best pro wrestling glamour shots. Feathers and glitter and shit.
• And a bonus link! The excuse generator. I swear it wasn't my fault, the ghost of Hitler came on me.

I'll be signing autographs in the bathroom of Port Authority.

[via CollegeHumor]

Luckily the victim knew that Beyonce was "super preggers" or he might not still be alive today.

[story at Fox 8 Cleveland / via BuzzFeed]

I didn't watch the VMAs, primarily because I am old.  I spent last night listening to The Doobie Brothers' 1975 classic Stampede which is all the music a person needs in his lifetime.

However, the MTV Video Music Awards are popular on Twitter and Tumblr and everywhere else Beliebers dwell, so I thought I'd look over The Daily What's summary of the event and give you my summary of his summary…

Beyoncé is pregnant.  That seems like the only noteworthy thing from last night.

Jay-Z is 41 and it will be his first child.  This makes Jay-Z "the David Letterman of rappers."

He's got 99 problems but unplanned pregnancies ain't one.

Shrug.  That's all I got.  Thanks to The Daily What for watching the VMAs so I didn't have to.  If I missed anything else, just fill me in in the comments which I don't read.

Tom Hanks' badass rapper son Chet Haze has some competition! It's Bob Dylan's grandson, Pablo Dylan.

Now which beloved celebrity figure's family member's hip-hop music will you listen to? I don't want to sway your opinion but I would like to share a quick quote.

"I mean, really, my grandfather, I consider him the Jay-Z of his time." -Pablo Dylan

I'm sorry, Chet Haze, who?

[AllHipHop via The Awl]

There isn't a whole lot going on in the world today.

But even on a boring news day?we get it, Lindsay Lohan stole a necklace? there's still a cat head with human hands eating fish to a Jay-Z song.

Why, you ask? Well, as Youtube commenter Smooshpopper2 simply put it, "This is what the internet was made for."

[via UniqueDaily]

Welp, that's it guys. We've come full circle. "Imma let you finish" jokes are officially unfunny now.

LOL? More like OLD.

Way to go, Kanye. You ruined the one good thing you started.

[@kanyewest]

Ever wonder what would happen if the greatest rapper alive met the worst rapper alive?

Well, until Jay-Z does a song with 50 Tyson, this new song featuring Jay-Z with Kanye West will have to do.

"Power (Remix)" is all over the web today.  You gotta wonder why Kanye keeps doing this.  He wants people to think he's this great rapper and then he tosses himself on a song with someone who actually is a great rapper and embarrasses himself.

Midway through the track, he raps about wanting to keep the troops out of Iran.  For now, how about we just figure out a way to keep Kanye off Twitter?

[via The High Definite]

Here's the photo the Internet has been waiting for: Betty White hanging out with Jay-Z on the set of Saturday Night Live.

Can Jay-Z rapping on top of a Golden Girls theme song mash-up be far behind?

OMG, I think I've just imagined up the greatest hip-hop jam of all time.

[via this lady's Twitter]