juggalos

Since you spend all day on the Tosh blog, here's what you're missing on the rest of the web:

• Juggalos Of OKCupid is exactly what you think it is. 
• A woman won the powerball lottery! An hour too late. Those two sentences are quite literally lines from Alanis Morisette's Ironic.
• Here's a painful nutshot compilation because you people love that shit.
• Tan Mom has a music video. Everyone should remember what she's famous for.
• Girls arching their backs is bonercity.
• This is a quality mugshot roundup. Did somebody say new profile pics?!
• A monkey taking a bath! Seriously guys it's little and in the sink.
• Daft Punk's Get Lucky eye popping out dance. I DON'T THINK YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DO THAT. EVEN IF YOU CAN.
• A man wants to videotape ghosts in his house, catches his girlfriend banging his son. He'll be haunted by it forever.
• Teen invents a device that charges your iPhone in seconds. I spent my youth copying math homework.
• 10 crazy disguises people have tried to use. Close, but no cigar.
• And it's Mr. T's birthday so, wish him a good one.

[photo via Juggalos of OKCupid]

Good work, "Make No One's Wish" Foundation.

[via Izismile]

I wanna rock and roll all night, and regret my life choices every day.

[Via The Chive]

…for The Gathering of the Juggalos Infomercial.

You know you've watched too many The Gathering of the Juggalos Infomercials when you can honestly assess this year's infomercial as "kind of a letdown."

Still beats 20 minutes of work though.

Protip: Skip the last 8 minutes unless you are super into Juggalo Championship Wrestling.  (Bonus Protip: You are probably not super into Juggalo Championship Wrestling.)

[via The Daily What]

If you haven't heard yet, Tila Tequila was attacked over the weekend at The Gathering of the Juggalos.  And if you haven't heard, I envy you.  TMZ recently released the above footage of Tila's "performance."

Now, I'm not going to support anyone getting attacked for any reason.  (I'm one of those bleeding hearts who keeps whining that we should get out of Afghanistan.)

But, if I had to get behind a public assaulting, I'd say targets don't get much more worthy than Tila Tequila.

For someone who's life is built around public exposure, Ms. Tequila has been hiding her entire life.  Hiding behind a fake name.  Hiding behind the digital barriers of sites like Myspace and Twitter.  Hiding behind the pages of magazines.  Hiding within the fake reality of reality TV.  Hiding within the buffered celebrity circles of Los Angeles.

So here's the deal, Tila: If you're going to take your shit out to Hardin County, Illinois , you better be prepared for some first-hand, middle-American feedback.  And if you can't handle that, don't go out to The Gathering of the Juggalos.  With all your success, you probably want people to think you're more intelligent than you let on.  If that's the case, you should have known what you were getting into.

However, if your plan is to continue to act like a spoiled little child your entire life, I'd recommend you continue to hide, because the rest of the world doesn't take kindly to that kind of shit.  Bitch.

Hm…  Maybe I could fit in with the Juggalos after all?

Here's what you missed over the weekend: They released this year's Gathering of the Juggalo's infomercial!  If you haven't watched it, go watch it now.  The ridiculousness that is the infomercial is possibly more legendary than the event itself.

I've never really felt one way or another about Juggalos.  It's not inherently funny.  And I'm a "live and let live" kind of guy, so as long as where they're living isn't in my building and they don't murder any of my relatives (the ones I like), they can go on doing whatever they want to do.

But then, I saw this year's video, when it all made sense…

Around the 4:25 mark, they announce the comedians who will be performing… Tom Green, Gallagher (he'll be "up in this bitch though, smashing watermelons with the Sledge-O-Matic and shit") and Ron Jeremy.

I was stunned.  It's like The Gathering took the most rejected, unwanted comedians on the face of the planet… and accepted them.

I am one of the most disliked comedians on the planet!  That's why I'm forced to earn a living writing for the Tosh.0 blog.  The show calls me names and beats me up… makes fun of me because I am different and not good at my job and not particularly well educated

But the Juggalos will accept me!  All I have to do is wear some makeup and listen to terrible derivative hip-hop and the Juggalos will let me be one of them.  Finally, I might achieve what I have never had before… acceptance.  Now I know why people join the Juggalos!

See you at The Gathering!  MMFCL.

[via The Daily What]

Pay attention to the drummer hitting his sticks together in the background to cue his band and interrupt these jackasses.

Here's what they're trying to explain to us: "Maggots" hate "Juggalos" because they're faggots. "Juggalos" hate "Maggots" because they're faggots. Listen, fellas, you're talking into a webcam in a style pioneered by a teenager named lonelygirl15. Fuck the mainstream!

I'm still confused. ICP fans and Slipknot fans hate each other. But when I see a mosh pit, my impression is that everyone hates each other. There is no "liking" in Slipknot music. In fact, listening to that music even makes me hate myself. You guys are avoiding the real problem. Put on some Bob Dylan.

[via VideoGum]