"Can we keep him?? He doesn't have a mommy."
[via World Wide Interweb]
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FACT: Killing your pumpkin isn't illegal, even if you draw your wife's face on it.
[via Tastefully Offensive, four times]
Wait, so is this book about keeping your baby alive, or just the wrong ways to kill it?
[via Blame It On The Voices]
Even if you did, we would never turn her room into an amusement park. Obviously it would become a home gym.
[via The Chive]
Since you spend all day on the Tosh blog, here's what you're missing on the rest of the web:
[video via Dlisted]