letter

It's not like I sound like, dumb for saying "like". It's totally a real word. And you're dumb for not knowing that!

[via Imgur]

Dear our teacher Lili,
You know when you're
boring the class.
Seriously,
It's when we're all looking
down at our crotches
and smiling.
Sincerely,
Students

[via Izismile]

It's was never about the steak, alright!  It was about the sides.

[via certified bullshit technician]

Times are hard for Tom Cruise what with the gay rumors and the scientology thing and the fact that his last film co-starred Cameron Diaz and is only watched by unwilling airplane passengers. But he's a strong man. He's Tom Cruise! Nothing slows his stride.

Except for his cousin Geff.

Warning: this scene is emotionally graphic and may cause blobs of water to come out yer eyes.

[via The High Def]

Your Sarcasm is AMAZING!

Dear Neighbor,

Your verbal irony is amazing. It is so funny and your mocking tone is so clever that it reads like actual praise. Awesome!

This is exceptionally rad when you post a contemptuous note on the community cork board. Wicked awesome!

We are all very impressed with your satirical wit. Don't even think about asking me to lower my bass with civility.

- Your Envious Neighbor

[via The Chive]

Hi Honey!

I'll have you know that I am actually writing a book about Sasha Grey.

The book is entitled People I Like To Masturbate To.

Thanks!
Husband

[via Reddit]

On Friday, it was reportedthat the government began a crackdown on major online poker sites Full Tilt Poker, PokerStars and Absolute Poker, charging operators with fraud and money laundering and seizing their websites, effectively ending real money play in the U.S.

Below is a letter drafted by an online poker player to the U.S. Government.

Dear The Government,

Over the weekend, after reading an article in the New York Postand repeatedly attempting to sign in to my Full Tilt Poker account, it came to my attention that you have shut down a number of online poker sites.

Kudos to you!  Such actions are long overdue!  Hopefully some of this info will help your prosecution…

Since joining Full Tilt Poker, I have lost over $8,600 to people I don't even know!Prior to online gambling, I used to partake in a weekly poker match at a friend's house.  There, I had a number of options for recouping my losses: uncontrollable sobbing about needing to buy my kid a birthday present, stealing an item of commensurate value, threats of physical violence, etc.  But with online gambling, who am I supposed to flash my handgun at in an attempt to get my cash back?  No one, that's who! more...

"Go straddle a narwhal" is my new favorite insult. We're all forever indebted to a stranger for sharing that gem.

Also, whaaat? He knows Pi to the 46th digit? This guy sounds awesome. Why was he the assistant manager of a Domino's to begin with?

You're better off, man! Nobody wants to mix lava cake for some humorless jerk who can't spell narwhal.

[via The DW]