lights

The two most important questions about Christmas lights: 1) Are they LEDs? 2) Can they be made into the shape of ejaculating semen?

[via Izismile]

The problem is, one light burns out, your entire computer shuts down.

Then you gotta check every single bulb before you can finish your term paper.  It's festive, but a bitch.

[via Reddit]

This Christmas the government gave me the gift of a suspended license.

[via Not Safe for Human Consumption]

All I want for Christmas is a sternly-worded letter from the homeowner association.

[via Happy Place]

Jesus didn't even have electricity.  What the fuck does he care!?

[via Break]

"Even better than the last one." -Alien in space

[via The HD]

Remember how you were hoping that you could get cereal in light-up boxes?

No?  That's because cereal doesn't need to be in a light-up box because you don't eat the box, you throw it away 'cause it's trash.

Still, the video above has turned a lot of heads on the Internet, so I decided to look into it further.

CNET explains that what's happening is a demonstration of "wireless charging tech that…uses induction power."  More clearly stated, it appears that the shelf has a charge that activates special materials in the boxes causing them to light up.

CNET continues, "the company [Fulton Innovation] also had a can of soup which had a heating coil built in to the packaging. Place this on its specially designed kitchen surface and the soup will cook in the pack."

Ah, so I get it: This company is trying to sell us a bunch of magical shelves.  Yeah, things is, I already have shelves.  I'll just continue cooking my food on the stove.  Thanks.

[via I Am Bored]

You get extremely disappointed with my choice of video.

The guy who last year brought us Christmas Light Hero — a fully functional Guitar Hero-style video game made out of his house's Christmas lights — is back again, this time with Snowball Blaster!

Snowball Blaster is basically Christmas Light Hero, but the opposite: Players guide Santa's sleigh away from incoming snowballs.

Way to phone it in this year, dude.  You are now officially the laziest Christmas light-themed video game designer I have ever heard of.

Don't worry.  The above photo is a set-up.  A joke.  A gag.

From the original blog post: ?I had to take him down after two days. I had more people come screaming up to my house than ever."

He continues:

"A 55 year old lady grabbed the 75 pound ladder almost killed herself putting it against my house and didn?t realize that it was fake until she climbed to the top (she was not happy). By the way, she was one of the many people who attempted to do that. My yard couldn?t take it either. I have more than a few tire tracks where people literally drove up my yard.?

Here's the problem: This little prank has gone completely viral, which means even more people are going to imitate it, which means we are going to have cars driving up on lawns all across the country.  (Except in Detroit, where passersby will shrug and maybe shout a fleeting heckle.)

So, from now on, whenever you see someone in trouble, just ignore it.  It's all a set-up.  People never actually get hurt.  And if someone does get hurt, then maybe they'll learn their lesson!

That's the holiday spirit!!