local news

Duffy Kelly, a producer for Sacramento's News10, went to a local neighborhood after hearing stories of wild turkeys chasing down joggers.

If the camera is shaking it's because she's shaking. Or it's because your laptop is resting on your stomach and you're laughing really hard.

[via The Daily What]

I have no idea what happened to the nine vehicles on the freeway or the kid who was hit by a car in the crosswalk but it's definitely going to be SUNNY ON WEDNESDAY AND THURSDAY.

[via The DW]

To hell with the Kardashians.� I wanna keep up with this guy.� He's hilarious!

If he was selling a line of suits, I'd be all over it… even if they were so shitty that only Sears would carry them.

But let this be a lesson to all of you: Don't bring your weak bullshit to a Philadelphia satellite interview.� People there eat cheesesteaks like you for breakfast.

[via Viral Viral Videos]

Yesterday's Tweet and Greet got a little out of hand when Daniel decided it was time to leave. He made a 100 yard dash to his getaway car and luckily the local news was there to catch it on camera.

I could watch Chris Williams stand in front of a "green wall" with footage of Daniel sprinting behind him all day.

Get excited because one week from today your edgy, sell-out idol will be back on TV with an ALL NEW episode of Tosh.0. Tune in Tuesday, September 20th at 10.

Wednesday night, 69-year-old wheelchair bound Milton Ellis was attacked by a 22-year-old vampire at an empty Hooters in St. Pete, Florida. According to Milton, who brought her back with him to the empty restaurant, Josephine Smith�bit his face and neck and yelled about being a vampire.

Josephine recently studied ?dental assisting? so it's possible she was just treating his neck for cavities and she's very bad at her trade. But maybe she really is a vampire. In which case, go for someone way younger and hotter than Milton Ellis!

That's rule number one of vampirehood, Josephine. You have to fall in love with a highschooler.

[via The DW]

You can't trust that news report.� They cited the website "Urban Dictionary."

Why's it gotta be an "urban" dictionary?� Clearly that's racist.

But a message to the old people in this news report who think "You mad bro" is racist…� You probably want to stay away from the Internet altogether.� First place to stay away from: the comments section for the YouTube video "People Think "You Mad Bro?" Is racist."

[via VVV]

Fairies and vampires and werepanthers, oh my! These aren't just mostly naked characters in "True Blood". They are REAL. And this video proves it.

Jos� Maldonado (somehow not one of the six Jos� Maldonados I went to middle school with) found a real, living fairy in Guadalajara:�?I was picking guavas and I saw a twinkling. I thought it was a firefly. I picked it up and felt that it was moving; when I looked at it I knew that it was a fairy godmother.?

What did he do, you ask? Did he name it Sookie and give it a job at the only restaurant in town? NO. HE MURDERED IT.

"You killed my fairy godmother!"?Line from an HBO show delivered by an actress that has an Oscar

Sexy Tinkerbell didn't last long on Earth but that's because she went to Mexico. Hopefully other supernatural creatures will show themselves soon in the gardens of a less murder-friendly place.

[via Videogum]

"And by 'technical difficulties,' I mean Gordon Boyd hasn't been the same since his 15-year-old son posted those emasculating photos of him on Facebook.� He was…� He was a great reporter once…� This fall from grace is sad really."

[via Cynical-C]

Except in Iowa they just call it "lunch."

[via The Daily What]

Someone should warn Hugh Hefner.

[via The DW]