local news

"I appreciate her going out in that wind to report about the stoplight but I wish she would have at least worn a hat." -No one

[via Vulture]

Hide ya burger. Hide ya fries. 'Cuz tornado eatin' everybody's fast food.

[via Arbroath]

This is Snotty McBooger reporting live from Massey Hall where my runny nose is literally dripping onto my microphone.

As you can see when I turn to my left, the snot has made it's way to my lip.

I'm refusing tissues and sick leave.

Tune in at 10 when my sneeze lands on the camera.

[via @JimmyTraina]

You won the Internet.

[VIA REDDIT]

Fox News: Admittedly full of shit

[via Blame It On The Voices]

This world's not gonna get any better. So we may as well go to Fat Ho Burgers and order the Supa Fly Ho W/ Chz.

Because when those deadly toxins eventually make their way over to the United States, I want to die knowing I've left no insensitively named meal uneaten.

[via BWE]

It's breakfast time! Drop your pants.

[via Dlisted]

The world mourned earlier this week when beloved German polar bear Knut passed away at the young age of 4.

Well, most people mourned.  Except for one graphics guy at NBC Chicago who decided to be a real sashole about it.

[via Reddit]

Ex-stripper Crystal Deans offers free pole dancing classes to churchgoers the second Sunday of each month. All you need is a church program and upper body strength.

Crystal told MyFox Houston that she's teaching Pole Fitness For Jesus to "get past the whole stigma of the whole thing".

I assume she means the stigma associated with swinging around on a pole in small shorts and platform heels. And I'm not 100% on this, but I think if you play contemporary Christian music while you do it, then it's totally okay.

To paraphrase the Bible, 'There's a time to cry; a time to laugh; a time to grieve; a time to pole dance.' ?Ecclesiastes 3:4, more or less.

[via Dlisted]

A couple of days later I saw this headline: "Local News Website Increases Traffic After Hiring Comedian to Write Headlines."

[via BuzzFeed]