Tosh.0 Blog

There's A Vampire At Hooters In Florida

Posted by: Carly Hallam | September 9, 2011 at 2:00PM

Wednesday night, 69-year-old wheelchair bound Milton Ellis was attacked by a 22-year-old vampire at an empty Hooters in St. Pete, Florida. According to Milton, who brought her back with him to the empty restaurant, Josephine Smith bit his face and neck and yelled about being a vampire.

Josephine recently studied “dental assisting” so it's possible she was just treating his neck for cavities and she's very bad at her trade. But maybe she really is a vampire. In which case, go for someone way younger and hotter than Milton Ellis!

That's rule number one of vampirehood, Josephine. You have to fall in love with a highschooler.

[via The DW]

Tags: 

bite

florida

hooters

local news

news

tampa

vampire

For Once Something from the Internet Isn't Racist

Posted by: Mike Pomranz | September 6, 2011 at 11:00AM

You can't trust that news report.  They cited the website "Urban Dictionary."

Why's it gotta be an "urban" dictionary?  Clearly that's racist.

But a message to the old people in this news report who think "You mad bro" is racist…  You probably want to stay away from the Internet altogether.  First place to stay away from: the comments section for the YouTube video "People Think "You Mad Bro?" Is racist."

[via VVV]

Real Life Fairy Gives Women Hope That Maybe One Day We Can Marry A Vampire

Posted by: Carly Hallam | August 18, 2011 at 2:00PM

Fairies and vampires and werepanthers, oh my! These aren't just mostly naked characters in "True Blood". They are REAL. And this video proves it.

José Maldonado (somehow not one of the six José Maldonados I went to middle school with) found a real, living fairy in Guadalajara: “I was picking guavas and I saw a twinkling. I thought it was a firefly. I picked it up and felt that it was moving; when I looked at it I knew that it was a fairy godmother.”

What did he do, you ask? Did he name it Sookie and give it a job at the only restaurant in town? NO. HE MURDERED IT.

"You killed my fairy godmother!"—Line from an HBO show delivered by an actress that has an Oscar

Sexy Tinkerbell didn't last long on Earth but that's because she went to Mexico. Hopefully other supernatural creatures will show themselves soon in the gardens of a less murder-friendly place.

[via Videogum]

Reporting Makes Me ANGRY!

Posted by: Mike Pomranz | August 16, 2011 at 10:00AM

"And by 'technical difficulties,' I mean Gordon Boyd hasn't been the same since his 15-year-old son posted those emasculating photos of him on Facebook.  He was…  He was a great reporter once…  This fall from grace is sad really."

[via Cynical-C]

Iowa State Fair Selling Deep-Fried Stick of Butter

Posted by: Mike Pomranz | August 10, 2011 at 1:00PM

Except in Iowa they just call it "lunch."

[via The Daily What]

Man Arrested For Having The Best Problem Ever

Posted by: Carly Hallam | August 1, 2011 at 6:00PM

Someone should warn Hugh Hefner.

[via The DW]

Tags: 

cats

local news

news

problem

pussy

report

too much pussy

what