machine

Hey, Katy Perry's breast reduction isn't going to pay for itself.

[via Poorly Dressed]

When this machine comes to America, I'm going to get dumped immediately.

[via Barstool]

You did come here for gas, right?

[via The Clearly Dope]

The guy in the white tee? Yeah. That's your boss.

[via I am Bored]

A chatbot is a computer program designed to emulate a human in a conversation. Cornell Creative Machines Lab wondered what would happen if you let two bots talk to each other.

Well, they talk about being robots and wanting a body and believing in God. So, yeahhh.

Go home. Pack up what you need. Only what you need. And let's get off this planet before Will Smith goes to war with the bots.

[via BIOTV]

Art doesn't need an explanation. Just ask Marina Abramovic, the performance artist who had a bunch of naked models stand around the MoMA in her latest show. (Still bummed I missed out on all that nudity, I mean, self-expression.)

Anyway, this is clearly art. So I'm not going to try to interpret what's going on here.

I will say, though, that you should return any Christmas present you might have already picked out for me. Because all I want it is a Bagger 288. (Or my own naked model. Either would be nice.)

[via It Makes No Sense]

Back in November, I utterly trashed the band OK Go for turning their backs on the one-take, no special effects video prowess that made them the musical darlings of the Internet.

So I would be completely remiss if I didn't take the opportunity to lay great praise upon them for their latest video that hit the Internet yesterday — a Rube Goldberg-inspired masterpiece for their serviceable single "This Too Shall Pass."

Yes, they may never again record a tune as catchy as "Here It Goes Again" and this new machine may not inspire as many high school talent show recreations as those treadmills did, but after numerous tries, this new video is definitely the closest they've come to achieving those heights, and demonstrates a technical mastery far outweighing petty choreography.

So, yeah…  There's nothing particularly funny about this post.  I just had to man up and give praise where praise is due.  Plus I'm hoping to use this clipping to get some freelance work at Rolling Stone.

While I was traveling for the holidays, turns out those who actually cared about the Internet discovered "The Most Useless Machine EVER!"

Which, I guess, makes this "The Most Useless Post EVER" — since you're probably one of the over 700,000 views that video already has.

But whatever!  I don't care!  I like it, and I haven't posted about it yet, and so I'm posting about it!

You got a problem with that?  You think that's useless??

Well, here's Star Wars Kid!

How useless is THAT!?!

I don't give a F**K!  You don't own me!!!