masturbation

I didn't know jerking off had a valedictorian.

[via Izismile]

Just cause you don't have Heidi Klum around anymore doesn't mean you've lost your libido.

[via BuzzFeed]

What kind of sick degenerate masturbates to birds?

[via IAB]

Yes, this is a Fleshlight-holding iPad case.  And no, sorry, it isn't a real thing.  According to the article, it's just a "concept mockup."

I guess the guy who came up with the concept hasn't gone through with getting it made.  He's probably busy with other things.  I WONDER WHAT THOSE OTHER THINGS COULD BE??

[via Geekosystem]

If you were able to get through this entire video without taking a break to find a porn site, unfortunately, you don't have what it takes to be a world champion masturbater.

[via Blame It on the Voices]

It does not boast. It faps.

[via FailBlog]

Congratulations to The Midnight Show, creators of last night's Tosh.0 Viewer Video of the Week!

If you missed it or can't get enough of "Siamese Twins," check out the video above.  Also, you can follow @MidnightShowLA and the writer of the sketch @CaleHartmann on Twitter.

And don't forget to submit your own videos for a chance to be the next Viewer Video on Tosh.0.

"Oh, you think you have semen related costs?" -Pregnant Person

[thanks Cassie]

Yeah. But your blood's not going to show up 16 years later wanting to get to know her father. And then all of a sudden you're interested in being a part of your blood's life and you try to break up her lesbian mothers' relationship so you can be the dad to the teenagers your blood created.

Then in the end the moms are all like, we raised this blood. You don't get to show up and be a father once we've already built this family. Go back to your trendy organic restaurant, loser!!!

THE KIDS ARE ALL RIGHT without you.

Then you're all sad and lonely.

Think about it, boys.

Blood donation: not dramatic enough to be a movie.

[via i-a-b]

Dear TNT,

Don't ask Tracy Morgan ANYTHING live on-air. Especially if the question regards women or sex or, worst of all, sex with famous women.

Sincerely,

Fans of 30 Rock who know that show is basically a documentary

[via BWE]