middle school

A seventh grader's Facebook page is dramatic enough. But when you add a thrilling score and soap opera acting, it becomes almost as tragic as all of my high school friends' Facebook pages.

Tell me more about your baby daddy! He's not paying child support again? Fuck him and his new Camry! And his coworker from Albertson's you saw riding in it! You tell that dickwad off, Sara! I'm just going to start playing some background music.

[via VVV]

"With metal, anything is possible." -Abraham Lincoln*

*Not actual Abraham Lincoln quote

[via College Humor]

When I was in 7th grade my best friend Jocelyn and I did a project for our Social Studies class on artificial insemination.

The assignment was to make an educational video and, of course, everyone else took the easy route.

Our classmates filmed themselves baking cakes and giving their pets a bath. But Jocelyn and I wanted to educate our peers on something more meaningful. So, naturally, we tackled the topic of infertility.

I dressed up as a doctor and my brother and Jocelyn were my patients. And by the end of our educational video, they had birthed a tiny baby!

As you can imagine, the project was magnificent.

But for some reason our teacher wouldn't less us show the class. In fact, we were told not to speak of it again.

I guess what I'm saying is, we all did things in middle school that maybe we shouldn't have been so proud of.

[via BWE]

Trololo la, la-la-la, la-la-la!

When an Evangelical university sang a Christmas carol version of the Bed Intruder Song, we all thought it was weird. But now a Wisconsin children's choir is singing a Christmas carol version of Trololo. And somehow it makes "Carol of the Bed Intruder" seem completely normal.

Hillary Clinton, Guy Fawkes, and Santa will all serenade you now. I gotta go take my meds.

[via i-a-b]

Football isn't always vicious hits and pushing for extra yardage, a brutal display of physical strength.

Sometimes it's an intense strategical ballet.  Like a sad, middle-aged (possibly alcoholic) junior high football coach using his intellect to embarrass middle-schoolers who don't know any better.

If you listen really closely, you can hear eleven 13-year-olds muttering to themselves, "Screw this.  I'm trying out for the school play."

[via Reddit]

CollegeHumor found this unibrow-guy on the National Institute on Drug Abuse's website — in the part of the site that's supposed to convince teens not to smoke pot.

Unlike most people, I'm against drug abuse, but this kid is not helping my case. Here's what he's telling us:

"I don't think it's cool at all and I don't see why they try to pressure it on other people."

Nice sound bite! His quote says ?cool? in it so we know that NIDA is conscious of where authority lies in middle school ?- cool kids. You can show a group of middle schoolers all sorts of science and quote famous people, but the first girl to wear designer jeans will still have more credibility.

So, unibrow kid, you?re not convincing anyone that pot is less cool. Call me in five years when you have an electric razor with one of those little flip out detailing things on the back of it.

Scratch that — the VHS-quality of the video this kid's pic was grabbed from was making it a little difficult to see, but that dirty upper lip might just redeem him. Those are in.