This exists. It's a 4-port USB hub that looks like a chicken sandwich. It's the kind of USB hub that America was built on. And it can be yours for a low price of $19.
You need this. There aren't enough USB ports in your computer and there aren't any in your chicken sandwich. But this takes care of those problems by providing 4 ports in one chicken sandwich hub. Plus, it will ensure you're hungry all day long.
Personally, I think I'll wait for them to make a Double Down 8-Port USB Hub. Because there will be twice as many ports AND plastic bacon. Which, I can tell you first-hand, tastes exactly like fast food bacon.