mommy

Featuring some of the latest Twitter and Facebook comments about Tosh.0.

"Jesus Christ Melanie you're eighteen years old. Stop calling me mommy and move the fuck out!"-Melanie's mommy

It's a hundred times better than any package Dad's gonna give her.

[via Izismile]

"Don't mind him. He's an attention whore just like that sonofabitch he calls a father. Anyway- MySpace me!"

[via Parenting Fails]

Netflix is never too drunk to play with me.

[via Happy Place]

He started kicking five seconds after she had sex.

[via I am Bored]

The real trick would be getting his own kids to admit that he's their father.

[via SayOMG]

Kickbee — the Twittering Fetal Activity Monitor — is a device pregnant women can wear around the waist that senses vibrations in the womb.  If a "kick" is detected, it automatically posts that information to a Twitter account with a generalized, somewhat inane message such as "I kicked Mommy!"

Christ.  So now all those self-absorbed, egomaniacal pregnant women who act like they're about to be the first human being to ever give birth can annoy the hell out of their friends and family all day wherever they are anywhere in the world with their mindless baby babble and hormone-driven cries for attention.

But watch the above promotional video: I can't even begin to describe how many things are wrong with it.  For instance, at the 30 second mark when Daddy checks his iPhone for the "baby's" latest tweet, look at the phone: There's a picture of a baby on there.

Who's baby is that?  It's not his: His baby hasn't been born yet.  Is it a picture of what they expect their baby to look like?  Or just some random baby 'cause he's a baby?  That doesn't seem right.

But the video isn't even realistic: A smiling father getting constant fetus tweets?  You know what he's thinking…  When baby tweets: "I kicked Mommy!" Daddy is thinking, I should have kicked Mommy too…  down a flight of stairs.  Then I wouldn't have to deal with this bullshit.

What a jerk?!  …but can you really blame him??