mothers day

Yes, it's almost here: Mother's Day. Are you tired of pandering to your poor old mom with gifts she'll actually like?Flowers? Gift cards? Jewelry? Snoozefest 5000! Why not get her a gift that says how you really feel? You know, like "Fuck you for putting me on this terrible planet," or "I hate student loans and I hate you, you old hag!"

That's why we've compiled a list of 10 awful Mother's Day presents that will make her cross her legs and yearn for a retroactive abortion. Gifts like "Bacon Candle" (above) and "Back Hair Shaver" (below.)

Click below for more truly terrible Mother's Day gift ideas!

Since you spend all day on the Tosh blog, here's what you're missing on the rest of the web:

• Woman who flipped off Noah may or may not have killed her husband. What a bad ass bitch. 
• Manti Te'o's fake girlfriend made Maxim's Hot 100. Sexiest pile of air ever.
• Here's Quentin Tortellini. Yeah THAT JUST HAPPENED.
• Women's POV is basically lots of titties. Who's excited for summer Instagrams?!
• 24 Facebook fails. Is "everyone who shares their political beliefs in their status" on there?
• Moms eat for free at Hooter's on Mother's Day. 'Cause why spend money on her, ya know?
• CNN anchors talk via satellite in the same parking lot. Busted.
• 105-year-old woman thinks she's alive because of bacon. Don't let me live to 100. It looks really scary.
• An owl loves a dog. Also that owl is fucking HUGE.
• And a mom went to WebMD instead of the hospital after her son got shot. Symptoms point to the flu.

[photo via WPBF]

Since you spend all day on the Tosh blog, here's what you're missing on the rest of the web:

• Mama June got married in a camo dress. Ironically, I wish I hadn't seen her in it. 
• A very vulgar kid, who I can only assume is Mike The Miz twenty years ago.
• Baby eyebrows are all kinds of scary.
• Jose Canseco is great at Twitter. But Shaq's better.
• Sexy girls in sports bras, anyone? My diet starts Monday. Ah fuck it IS Monday.
• This chick took a calculator to prom. I wonder if it took her V-card (Volume card).
• Here's a baby water-skiing in gross water. Parenting, amiright?
• Mother's Day gift guide! Which is 85% kitchen-related.
• Old lady twins who always dress the same? They've spent their entire husbandless lives arguing about which necklace they're going to wear.
• And IRON MAN 3 FULL MOVIE STREAMING ONLINE FOR FREE!! You're welcome.

[photo via Buzzfeed]

Featuring some of the latest Twitter and Facebook comments about Tosh.0.

Hopefully you spent the second part of Mother's Day vomiting up breakfast with Mom and Daniel and filming it for an upcoming episode of Tosh.0.

Did you spend enough time with your mom to remember why you moved so far away?

[via IMNS]

Behind every great woman there's a mom telling her to put her shirt back on.

Thanks, moms.

[via IHC]

Isn't today Mother's Day?

No. That's Sunday.

Pls ignore. Will resend Sunday

[via reddit]

Luckily, in the States, Mother's Day isn't for a couple more months so you have time to think of something mom wants besides condoms and Nicorette.

But it'll be tough.

[via Izismile]

I have a lot of respect for mothers: It's not easy getting shitty Mother's Day cards from your stupid kids and having to think, "I gave birth to this dumbass!?  I'm stuck with this idiot 'til he's 18??"

[via I Am Bored]

One day I'm gonna be just like you, Mom! Cleaning my house while a bald guy stands there with his arms crossed.

[via BuzzFeed]