movies

I've seen one movie this year… MacGruber.

I really liked that film because it had a strong moral: Movies suck and you shouldn't waste your time seeing them.

If I wanted to sit in an uncomfortable seat and essentially stare at a wall for two hours, I would take a slightly larger dose of mushrooms than usual.  And oddly enough, that experience seems as if it wouldn't be that dissimilar from the apparent mind-blowing confusion that is Inception.

All I can take away from this crazy infographic is that in the middle is a giant area labeled "limbo" which I can only assume is where my brain would be if I was forced to sit through this movie for 2 hours and 28 minutes.

But I'm sure you all think Inception was fantastic, so maybe you can explain this graphic to me and convince me to see it?

[via The High Definite]

The bigwigs over at Tosh.0 never listen to me, but occasionally I have really good ideas.

Like for instance, sometimes our show is a bit too racially insensitive for my tastes.  So on Friday, I called up our offices and said I was Carly Hallam so they would actually accept my call.

While they tried to hang up on me, I yelled, "Wait!  I want you to watch this clip I found on the Internet!  It's only 13 seconds long and it proves you don't have to be insensitive to be funny!"

By the time I hit the word "funny," I could hear a dial tone.  (Not for the sake of this joke, but because I was calling from a payphone because I am poor.)  But I put the question to you: Isn't this PC version of Pulp Fiction one-hundred times funnier than the original version?

I rest my case.

[via Today's Big Thing]

I remember this game…  I always thought it was weird how the only way to reach the end was to die of AIDS.

[via Julia Segal]

Yes, the image above is the entire original Star Wars movie (also referred to as "A New Hope" — primarily by jerks) in poorly-drawn, heavily-pixelated animated GIF form.

"Why, why do we need this?" you might find yourself asking repeatedly.  "Is my job really so horrible that I will stare at anything on my computer screen besides working?"

If you watched the entire thing, the answer to that question is probably, yes, your job is horrible.  Or you have too much time on your hands.

Either way, note how GIF Star Wars is still far superior to all of the prequels …and possibly Return of the Jedi.

[via Blame It On The Voices]

For his next art project, he's going to do the Triple Lindy!

The hardest part is recreating this face:

[via The Daily What]

Yes!  Believe it or not, that's Fiddy!  (Not quite sure on the spelling there.)

According to Videogum, the rapper turned actor lost 60 pounds for a movie role (that he wrote for himself) where he plays a football player who has cancer.

How'd he do it??

Apparently, 50 Cent is really into method acting and he gave himself cancer!

Ha.  That's not true.  But it could have been, because he is insane.

Part of me thinks that maybe 50 Cent has trouble grasping the "acting" part of acting.  You don't have to be in physical distress to "play a character" who is in physical distress.  They have special effects now.  It's like auto-tune for the silver screen!

There is an affliction in our country… the disease of horrible movies.  And Hollywood is not here to help.  Hollywood does not care about you.

You may think Hollywood makes the movies they think the most people want to see.

Wrong.

Hollywood makes the movies it thinks will make the most money… or at least some money.  One way to guarantee you'll make some money is to work within a franchise — a concept that has a built-in audience.

Movies in a franchise don't have to be good; they just have to be good enough to keep the fans happy and make them want to see the next movie in the franchise.  It's a vicious, all-consuming cycle.  An addiction really.  (Anyone who can't stop watching The Office even though we all know it's been terrible for over a season and a half knows what I mean.  Many people fell victim to a show called Lost just this past week.)

What kills the franchise is when a movie fails to "recoup" — it doesn't make back the money the studio spent.

So how do you kill a movie franchise?  A lot of people think that if you say bad things about a movie or give a movie a bad review, that a movie will go away.  Not true!  Bad word of mouth can actually make a movie stronger!  Any press is good press.  Because what matters isn't what people say about a movie, but whether or not people buy tickets.

I say we take a stand here and now… with possibly the worst movie franchise entry ever conceived, Sex and the City 2.

If we want to kill Sex and the City — and we do! — it's not good enough to get people to say bad things about the movie: We need to keep people from buying tickets to see the movie at all.

That's why I've created the Facebook group "I Pledge to Stop Speaking to Anyone Who Sees 'Sex and the City 2' Forever."  If these people know they will be ostracized from society forever, maybe they'll do what's right and not see this movie.  Maybe they can break the cycle.

Help your friends help themselves.  Let them know that if they choose to see this movie for any reason, they will never be spoken to again.  FOREVER.

You can help end the affliction of terrible movie franchises.  You're just a click away.

Actor Shia LaBeouf shocked reporters over the weekend when he openly discussed his disappointment with his work in the fourth Indiana Jones movie, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

Thanks for being so frank about the movie being terrible, Shia, but this isn't any big revelation.  We saw the movie.

In fact, we've seen you in many terrible movies.  We are used to you being terrible.

If someone said to me, "Hey, let's go see that movie with Shia LaBeouf in it," I would most likely respond, "Nah, I don't feel like seeing a terrible movie."

The grand irony here is he made these statements during an interview to discuss his new movie Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps — a sequel to another classic movie, Wall Street.

You just don't get it, LaBeouf!  Why must you destroy everything we love from our childhoods.  During his time off, I wouldn't be surprised if I found him in my house tearing up our family photo albums.

[via LA Times]

You think Iron Man 2's raking it in?

Wait until you write your own movie with the Plot-O-Matic. It's never been easier! Before you know it, all your dreams will come true. Just listen to my script idea!

Rick Falis's Secret Computer
an original screenplay concept
by Mikey Johns
Comedy: A struggling artist teams up with a kind hearted prostitute to find the true meaning of love. In the process they fall in love with a gay interior decorator. By the end of the movie they have sex with 3 bad guys and end up winning the admiration of their co-workers, living happily ever after.
Think sex lies and videotape meets Groundhog Day.

I'd pay for that. Judging on the comments you leave on this site, I'm betting you would too.

Check out the Plot-O-Matic and we'll see you in Hollywood!

REMIX!

I never thought I'd see the day where I felt bad for George Costanza, but it's arrived. Best remix on the internet?
For me it is.

Maybe it's because my two best friends in college called me Elaine. But that could be because I can't dance.

Maybe I don't love this video like I thought I did.

[via GorillaMask]