new york city

"Now is someone gonna put donuts around these babies or what!?"

[via It Makes No Sense]

I'm going to be spending my weekend wondering why this is a real thing.

Think you can explain it? Tell us in the comments.

Want to extend your weekend? Check out previous WTFridays!

[Note: As some of you may know, I am the only member of the Tosh.0 staff based in New York City.  I think I can confidently say that if this is the last thing I ever post, I'm proud of what I've done here.  -M]

I know Carly said we were going to stop talking about the earthquake, but even a smart lady like Carly could not have foreseen this happening: idiots getting Survived the Quake tattoos!

Not surprising, however, is that this is happening in Brooklyn where ironic jokes are king.  Just think how funny the joke will be when the real one hits and — ironically — he does not survive.

[via The Daily What / image via NY Daily News]

Whatever. I used to live in a 2-square-foot apartment. Every time I got an erection I had to open the door.

But as a New Yorker, let me explain what's going on here: This guy is scared as shit of living anywhere near minorities.

[via Viral Viral Videos]

"It's a lot more glamorous than my last job where a millionaire fed an elephant hundred dollar bills and I pulled them out of its ass."

[via Nothing To Do With Arbroath]

Come on!  You mean you filmed all day and you didn't catch a single pedestrian or cyclist being hit by a bus?!?

What the hell was I watching for then?

For education??  Pfft.

[via The Daily What]

Yesterday, the New York Post ran an exposé (pun intended!) entitled "City libraries say 'checking out' porn protected by First Amendment."

In the article, NYC Library officials repeatedly defended their stance that they will not censor what people look at on the libraries' public computers.

The Post also interviewed people on the scene:

"Library patron Daisy Nazario, 60, said she was grossed out when she discovered she was sitting next to an elderly porn watcher in the Brooklyn Central Library recently.

"The looker [blocked] the view of his screen — which was featuring a threesome at the time — 'but I could still hear the voices,' a disgusted Nazario said….

"Approached by The Post, the dirty old man skulked away, saying, 'I don't want to talk to you. Leave me alone.'"

Leave me alone, indeed.

Kudos to reporter Douglas Montero for having the balls to walk up and question a man in the middle of watching pornography, possible semen splatter be damned!  And then kudos again for being professional enough to later label his interviewee a "dirty old man."

For too long, the downtrodden in our society with little if anything to live for, devoid of all hope and pleasure, have been able to comfortably sit and view pornography in public — as is surely their preference — without being approached by reporters.

The Library says that patrons are protected by free speech.  Well you know what, reporters have free speech too.  Meaning they have the right to talk to whoever they want, even if that person has a massive, rock-hard boner.

I hope this article opens the eyes of New York's public officials and they take steps to change these policies.  Then sad old men can go back to masturbating where they belong: on crowded subway cars.

[via The Daily What]

Filmed yesterday after the giant NYC blizzard.

We have a saying in Brooklyn: "Why actually go help when you can just be snarky aloud while recording from a safe distance?"

If you didn't get everything you asked for, blame this gay couple in Chelsea.

[via NYT]

Typically, I'll follow anyone who graffitis their Twitter account name on the seat of a subway train in permanent marker with the message #Follow.

Sure, I don't know anything about you except that you're the kind of jerk who will deface a helpless subway train to promote a Twitter account.

In fact, it doesn't even bother me that you spelled "naturaly" wrong.

But the G train?!  That's like the worst train in all of New York City.

#TwitterPromotionFail