news

Since you spend all day on the Tosh blog, here's what you're missing on the rest of the web:

• Japanese toilet candy lets you drink out of the toilet like you've always dreamed!
• This Chinese airport worker doesn't give a SHIT about your packages.
• Places I've Pooped app. Because you don't wanna blow up the same place twice.
• A baby ostrich falling asleep. He's tired of not being able to fly. GET IT?!
• Justin Bieber allegedly hit a paparazzo with his car! And when I say "hit" I mean "that photographer should grow some balls because he barely touched him."
• Women's POV is the best POV. Boobies.
• Mac and cheese, fried chicken and mashed potato burrito. For your diet's cheat day.
• Kanye West's Yeezus promo is an American Psycho parody with Scott Disick. Can Scott Disick act? No.
• A news anchor got a liiiittle bit confused on air. Style and grace up in this place.
• Scout the dog vs a toy helicopter. Short and sweet, just like Danny DeVito.
• And Jon Gosselin ruined the Ed Hardy brand. Weird because I thought their douchey, ugly fucking clothes are what ruined the brand.

[still via Tastefully Offensive]

The immune system is usually the real victim of the bouncy house.

[via Uber Humor]

Be on the lookout for a pretty swell guy.

[via Buzzfeed]

"It's gonna be as cold as your heart tonight, Nicole."

"As long as it's not as dry as your vagina, Carol."

[via Videogum]

Tongue Twat: the distant cousin of Vagina Dentata.

[via FunnyLocalNews]

Since you spend all day on the Tosh blog, here's what you're missing on the rest of the web:

• Woman who flipped off Noah may or may not have killed her husband. What a bad ass bitch. 
• Manti Te'o's fake girlfriend made Maxim's Hot 100. Sexiest pile of air ever.
• Here's Quentin Tortellini. Yeah THAT JUST HAPPENED.
• Women's POV is basically lots of titties. Who's excited for summer Instagrams?!
• 24 Facebook fails. Is "everyone who shares their political beliefs in their status" on there?
• Moms eat for free at Hooter's on Mother's Day. 'Cause why spend money on her, ya know?
• CNN anchors talk via satellite in the same parking lot. Busted.
• 105-year-old woman thinks she's alive because of bacon. Don't let me live to 100. It looks really scary.
• An owl loves a dog. Also that owl is fucking HUGE.
• And a mom went to WebMD instead of the hospital after her son got shot. Symptoms point to the flu.

[photo via WPBF]

You may know me by my stage name, "Throbbing Penile-Erection."

[via KULfoto]

Does this guy in an oatmeal sweater photobomb the shit out of British news, or does this guy in an oatmeal sweater photobomb the shit out of British news.

More here. Look, but don't touch. I got dibs.

[via The Chive]

In her defense, after she saw the snake she caught her husband in bed with the maid and THEN burned down the house.

[via Fail Nation]

…Except cunnilingus.

[via Uber Humor]