no

Pantsless baby at the top of the key. Back to you, Mike.

[via Deadspin]

On the next Maury: "I went out to buy a throw rug and came back with a husband!"

ALL NEW episodes of Tosh.0 return TOMORROW, September 25th at 10/9c on Comedy Central!

No off-color jokes, no nudity, no homosexual overtones.

Except that there will be.

How am I supposed to get my shower steaming hot?

[via LOLpix]

I have the same sign in my bedroom. Keep it simple, gentlemen.

[via IHC]

If this is news we gotta get CNN to your apartments ASAP.

[via UberHumor]

Where the hell am I supposed to have sex? You pooped in my bed.

[via TheChive]

Alright.  Fair enough, Talking Cat.  But do you think I should give up amphetamines?

[via Viral Viral Videos]

Just think how much "YES" would have won by if the poll included people who were too high to handle texting!

In other news, a FOX 7 rotary phone poll determined that the greatest TV show of all time is Bonanza.

[via Reddit]

Say please. Keep your shoelaces tied. Wash your hands. Don't tell lies. Buckle up. Don't go swimming for 30 minutes after you eat. Respect your elders. Don't steal.

These are important lessons we all learn early on in life. And as we go into adulthood, we take these lessons with us.

But there are some things our parents and teachers don't explicitly warn us about. And we have to learn those lessons the hard way.

For example, don't propose in public unless you're pretty sure she'll say yes. And don't propose in a mall food court unless you're pretty sure she's blind and deaf and can't tell where you are.

Lessons learned.

[via Urlesque]