Listen — and this is for all men out there — if any woman goes home with you, and you take off your pants to reveal genitalia that's been dressed up like a Barbie doll, we're out. No if, ands, or buts. Or peens.
The only place someone can sell dick outfits is online, because WHO BUYS A $45 OUTFIT FOR THEIR JUNK?
I took Spanish for three years in high school. If I was dropped in the middle of Mexico tomorrow, I wouldn't be able to remember how to speak any of it to save my life. (I guess I should say use any of it to find a phone to call home on — not save my life — unless it was a bad part of Mexico. But I digress.)
I'm not bilingual or multilingual; I can barely speak proper English. And since the following seven videos don't contain a lick of English, you'd think I'd be way lost.
But who needs to know what ridiculous people are saying when they're doing ridiculous things? Not me. We may live in a different country than these original clips were shot, but that doesn't matter because we can watch them online.
Here are my favorite seven clips of foreign TV shows that we don't understand and don't need to. Because they tell a great story on their own.
Be careful, watching this "Stinking Mouse Prank" video may actually make thick rimmed, taped glasses appear on your face while hiking your pants up and causing a pocket protector to mysteriously appear in your shirt pocket.
Is this what you do on weekends, you dorky nerd dweebs? Honestly, tell me! I demand to know.
If you pulled this prank on me, I'd hide in a garbage can, jump out with a scream mask on, and cause you to pee yourself while you screech like a pansy. That's a REAL prank, you dolt. Stinking mouse? This is the weakest thing I've ever seen.
Get real and get a life. At least one involving more than fuses and computers. You may think I'm being mean, but I'm saving any potential you have for a social life. It's tough nerd love. You're welcome.