notes

I'm on the men's side now.

[via Dangerous Minds]

It's was never about the steak, alright!  It was about the sides.

[via certified bullshit technician]

"But this IS actual semen." – Same Guy

[via Happy Place]

Dear Big Black Dude,

Your letter has opened my eyes to my terrible behavior.  I appreciate your candor.  In the future, I will try to not act with either bigotry or ignorance.

My Sincere Apologies,
Your Caucasian Neighbor

P.S.  What is your type so I can warn those girls…

[via Reddit]

You think you're so great. Good luck living up to my standards, honey.

[via Someecards]

"Why do you have to write 'if you see a black man with a machete'?  I've been working here for 8 months.  Couldn't you just write 'if you see him'?" – Steve

[via I Am Bored]

Have you hird of sateen? It's a soft fabric used in bed sheets that makes you do bad thagings.

[via The DW]

… at least tell me so I can watch take your bottles of lube with you when you're done.

[via Burbia]

A screen name says a lot about you. Like, no one would mess with Broly the Unholy because obviously he's a bad ass. Whereas Whopper Head may be just a screen name for someone who frequents Burger King.

I hope he made the right decision. Clearly a lot of time and effort went into the creation of this title and I wouldn't want him to walk away with something lame like Soul Snatcher.

My first screen name was a given. I didn't have to write out a list of potentials. I just went with my gut and I think it worked out for the best. 2cute4words was quite a hit in the chat rooms.

Now this is funny.  You see, typewriters are an antiquated technology.  Most people take notes on a laptop computer these days.  That's the joke!

This reminds me of the time the always hilarious Jim Lehrer had scheduled an interview with Former President Gerald Ford.  Well, Ford is getting all peeved because the typically punctual Lehrer was running late.  Then, in stumbles Jimmy with this giant machine and says, "Sorry, I couldn't find a replacement vinyl belt for my Dictaphone Time Master!"

Ford's jaw just drops.  For a second, he thinks he's on Candid Camera and starts glancing around for the hidden Betacam.  Then Lehrer is, like, "I'm just kidding, Jerry!" and he whips out the fanciest Picocassette recorder you could buy with a Diners Club card!

We all had a hardy laugh that day!

[via I Am Bored]