Watch three different full episodes every Tuesday.
NOW AVAILABLE: more puke, injury, and titties than your precious soul can handle.
See Daniel doing stand-up live on tour and be forever changed. Buy tickets now!
Think you have a better caption for this image? Post your own joke in the comments.
We're not going to help you cross the street either. You have had twice as long to LEARN HOW TO WALK.
They're all like, "Do your homework. Eat your vegetables. Lower your voice." And you're all like, "Ugh. Don't use your spit to wipe food off my face. You're embarrassing me."
And then as you get older they're all like, "Get a real job. Eat your vegetables. Give us grandchildren." And you're all like, "Ugh. Don't friend any more of my coworkers on Facebook. You're embarrassing me."
Everyone's been there. Except for Ben Stiller, of course. Who won some sort of life lottery and was born to Anne Meara and Frank Castanza.
Ben is thanking the universe by giving us a little taste of what he got to enjoy all throughout childhood. It's like Meet The Fockers. Except it's funny.
Upward Bound Senior Villa is an old folks' home down the street from my apartment. Every time I drive by it I get a kick out of the name.
I wonder what other ideas they threw out before settling on "Upward Bound".
Nursing Home Namer 1: "What should we name this place?"
Nursing Home Namer 2: "Hmm. We're All Dying Here Senior Villa?"
Nursing Home Namer 1: "No. Too morbid."
Nursing Home Namer 2: "Foot In The Grave Senior Villa?"
Nursing Home Namer 1: "Not poetic enough."
Nursing Home Namer 2: "Almost Underground Senior Villa?"
Nursing Home Namer 1: "That's pretty good."
Nursing Home Namer 2: "Ooh! What about Upward Bound Senior Villa?"
Nursing Home Namer 1: "Perfect! Just the right amount of euphemism."
She's got rhythm, strength, and stamina. Plus she cooks a mean meatloaf.
Have we finally found the perfect woman?
[via College Humor]
I imagine that this is what hell is like.
You sit in a creaky wooden chair in a small, windowless closet.
An old couple comes in to perform a death metal song every hour of every day. And you're forced to sit and listen while nodding your head and complimenting them on their dance moves?which are the same three motions over and over again.
Yep, hell is an eternity of octogenarian death metal karaoke in an ugly pink room.
Follow the 10 Commandments, guys.
It's quite possible that this man drives an ice cream truck for money and/or fun. If so, yay! Wishes are coming true!
But DO NOT let him get at those boobs for anything less than a vanilla caramel drumstick.
Not since April 27th when I posted a video of an awesome old man dancing have we seen an old man this awesome dancing.
This octogenarian has moves. And rhythm. And he's so light on his feet! At one point he uses his new hips to do some sort of jumping jack move those 20 year-old posers could only dream of. Stand back, Pasha and Stefan, we're here to watch the old man get down.
Naturally, he ends with the splits. Damn! What a show!
The whole dance lasts over 3 minutes and he walks off like it aint no thang. I bet he's good in bed. Wait, what? Who wrote that? I meant to say I bet he would make a fun grandpa. You know, with all that energy and everything.
Old people are so cute! They can't cross the road and they can't eat sugary foods and they can't use computers! It's adorable.
I hope to one day be old enough to not know how to use everyday technology.
Like, maybe I can call tech support when my flying car won't turn on and they'll tell me to press the big red start button. And we'll giggle about it while I figure out how to hang up. Then I'll say something offensive and everyone will let it slide because I'm old.
It's going to be so fun!
[via Today's Big Thing]
Total Views: 212,345
Total Views: 163,904
Total Views: 124,583
Total Views: 120,451
Total Views: 117,147
Total Views: 1,500,885
Total Views: 3,372,951
Total Views: 2,652,715
Total Views: 4,613,897
Total Views: 2,277,402