phone

"Hi.  Is this tech support?  …  Yes, someone installed a desk below my desk.  I was hoping I could have it removed.  …  Yes, they gave me a ladder but–  …  No, the ladder isn't too tall at all, it's the perfect size, but…"

[via Izismile]

December 25th? Okay, one sec, let me just check my schedule.

Yeah, I can't. I'll be on my phone that day.

[via The High Def]

I'm not an evil genius.  I just know to steal from guys with greasy fingers.

[via Pleated Jeans]

New to parenting? Well, here's all you need to know. The smaller part of the diaper goes in front and if you press 9-3-5 over and over again on a Vtech Play & Learn Phone, it'll say motherfucker.

You're all set.

[via Blame It On The Voices]

She wouldn't give me her number so I just left her here so I can call her tomorrow.

APRIL FOOLS!  That's your mom!

[via EPICponyz]

Yeah, keys totally suck.  I would greatly prefer having a phone book full of doors' phone numbers.

"Oh, hi, door.  How are you doing?  Just calling to see if you wouldn't mind closing  for me.  Oh, you'll close?  Great.  Thanks, door.  You want me to bring you something back from Starbucks?  No?  Okay!  Talk to you when I get back in 2 minutes and have to get let back in!  Bye, door."

[via BuzzFeed]

Hey!  Want to get the brand new official Tosh.0 iPhone app for FREE right now!?

Of course you do!  So CLICK HERE NOW and then I'll tell you about how awesome it is after that…

This app is seriously amazing.  Here's some of the stuff it can do:

• Watch every Tosh.0 video clip available from every season, including digital only exclusives!
• Check out video previews and featured videos
• Full access to the blog including commenting and sharing
• Easy access to our regular features like Caption Challenge, Rename This Video and WTFriday
• Interact with Tosh on Facebook and Twitter
• See the full schedule for upcoming Tosh.0 episodes
• Get exclusive alerts from the show direct to your phone

Oh, and did I mention if you shake it, it will PUKE IN YOUR FACE!?!?  Of course it will!  Why wouldn't it!?

I was playing around with the app this morning and it is seriously the greatest thing that will ever happen to your iPhone or iPad or whatever you have…  As long as it's made by Apple.

So if you have an iPhone, DOWNLOAD YOUR TOSH.0 APP NOW!
Did I mention it's FREE?!?!

I've been studying this image and the words it contains for days and I still can't explain it.

I think part of the problem is anytime I come close to deciphering the secret meaning, I feel sudden urge to shake that car/cellular (?) telephone-holding woman and scream, "What is wrong with you!?"

[via Sober in a Nightclub]

Cats are lazy, thoughtless, aloof animals who only care about eating, sleeping and driving you crazy.

But apparently even cats aren't willing to listen to "Never Gonna Give You Up" by Rick Astley.

Keep an eye on his paw.  He's like, Alright, one, stop that, and two, get this thing away from me.

It's almost identical to how I act when my phone wakes me up while I have a hangover.  Good kitty.

[via CollegeHumor]

Congratulations to Olde English, creators of last night's Tosh.0 Viewer Video of the Week!

If you missed it or can't get enough of Hello F%$<, check out the video above.

And don't forget to submit your own videos for a chance to be the next Viewer Video on Tosh.0.