plastic surgery

High shelves are his Kryptonite.

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[photo: Jay Directo/Stringer/AFP/Getty Images]

"Wait–  You like overcompensating for your terrible personality??  I like overcompensating for my terrible personality too!!"

[via I Am Bored]

According to Blame It On The Voices, Herbert Chavez, 35, reportedly underwent chin augmentation, a nose job, silicone lip injections and thigh implants to look like his hero, Superman.

I'm not sure if his surgeries have made him look more like Clark Kent but they have made him look more like Michael Jackson. So there's that.

Remember Zach Anner? The Internet campaigned to get him a show after seeing his heartwarming submission to Oprah's Search For The Next TV Star.

Well, he's back! And he's done some pretty great things in the meantime.

Watch this video for a reminder of how fun Zach is. Or, for a reminder of how important it is to choose the right plastic surgeon. (Shots of Mickey Rourke's old face to come.)

[via The DW]

In September I told you about what will undoubtedly be the absolute greatest reality television show of all time, "Bridalplasty". Well, now there's a preview.

Holy f**k, you guys. This exists. This is our world. And we are so freaking lucky to live it in!

We've literally thrown all decency and pride out the window.

It's 20fucking10. Pee in public! Compete for plastic surgery! Be a sports star who sends people pictures of his dick!

Literally do whatever you want?as long as the rest of us get to see it.

[via Videogum]

My big problem with any wedding is always the bride. Every time I go to one I'm all like, "This is beautiful. Great apps. But why are you marrying that beast?!?"

Obviously, I think exactly like the producers at E! because they've ordered a news series that combines wedding-themed competitions and…plastic surgery! The Hollywood Reporter explains:

Each week, a group of women competes head-to-head in such challenges as writing wedding vows and planning honeymoons. The winner receives the chance to choose a plastic surgery procedure from her ?wish list.? She?s given the procedure immediately, and results are shown at the start of the following week?s episode.

I believe Oscar Wilde said it best when he said*, "That sounds like a fucking brilliant TV show."

*Not an actual Oscar Wilde quote

In tonight's episode of The Hills, "waste-of-space" Spencer lists the things he lets Heidi do, "I don't let her go on TV, no computers. The only thing Heidi does is read and write poetry and pray and pet puppies… She is logged out of The Matrix."

Wow. What a serene life.

You are probably just as curious as I was to read one of Heidi's pieces of poetry.

So here you go. After a little digging, I made up happened upon a poem Heidi wrote just last week. Close your Bible and grab your puppies because this is a TOSH.0 EXCLUSIVE!

My name is Heidi and I have a face

I used to have an old face but now I have a new face

My boobs are bigger than before and I got a new bathing suit

It is cute

My new bathing suit

I named it Anthony

Swim, swim, swim. Pat the bunny.

[via Gawker]

The local news in Boston is having a fit over one New Jersey man who injected women's butts with caulk from the comfort of his hotel room.

Sounds like a typical day in Jersey to me. But one reporter is so baffled they have to tape his mouth shut to keep him from making inappropriate comments.

There's nothing like a failed comedian who gets into reporting finally being given that news story that lets him flex his funny muscle.

Get a load of these one liners…

"If you have a crack, you should seal it and caulking usually does the job."

"I'm not gonna argue with any of these women, in fact, the one you just showed, I heard, is quite the hard ass."

I haven't heard jokes like that since the last time I watched Leno. Someone give this guy a talk show! The middle part of the country would love him!

[via Best Week Ever]

If you are skinny and your boobs are real, you?re probably going to die. If you get shot, that is.

Samantha Lynn Frazier of Atlantic City, pictured above, credits her love handles for saving her life after she was shot twice last weekend.

The Huffington Post reports that Frazier isn?t the first person with heroic fat rolls.

Snaz Martin, a British bartender with an awesome name, was saved by his beer belly after being stabbed in the stomach. The sheer size of his gut, doctors said, prevented vital organs from being damaged.

And whaddaya know? Lydia Carranza?s size D breast implants saved her life when she was shot in her (voluptuous) chest last summer.

So what does this mean for all of us who walk around daily without protection of any sort?

Those of you packing on the pounds now have an excuse to avoid the gym. And those of us flat-chested girls (holla!) now have cold, hard evidence that getting a boob job would save our lives. Finally.

On a side note, who knew Heidi Montag was just taking precautions against her potential murder?

All the gossip sites have been talking about Heidi Montag's excessive plastic surgery.

As she reveals in the video above, the surgery has made it difficult for her to talk.

So see, the surgery didn't just benefit her face, it helped all of society by temporarily quieting that giant yapper of hers (not to mention relieving us of having to hear her sing).

Now if she'd just get some sort of procedure that would permanently shut her up, we'd all be in great shape.  Maybe she could have her rectum surgically removed from her mouth and reattached to her anus.  At least it would keep her from spewing so much sh*t.

Help us, Dr. Frank Ryan!  You're the best.  I know you can do this!

If you haven't already, don't forget to watch Daniel's "exclusive" interview with Speidi from last season!

[via The Huffington Post, my source for everything Speidi]