portrait

Since you spend all day on the Tosh blog, here's what you're missing on the rest of the web:

• A grown ass man got stuck in a high chair and had to call 911. PS his friends left him there.
• This clip from HBO's Real Sex is one of those WOW moments. I've played it ten times already.
• A drunk angry guy cut off his penis to get back at his girlfriend. Sound logic.
• Tobias Funke in The Shining. This scene still makes me want to pee my cutoffs.
• Girls in and around water is all kinds of sexy! Stay hydrated, kids.
• 'Follow me/Bring beer' sandals. I should say both of those things to potential suitors.
• Kim Kardashian's pregnant feet are- AHHHH.
• A Papa John's delivery guy was busted for delivering $40,000 worth of cocaine. Did he include the garlic sauce??
• Dharma eats spaghetti. Is the singular for spaghetti still spaghetti? She eats ONE spaghetti.
• Justin Bieber has 24 hours to claim his monkey, is definitely not going to.
• A dude rubbed his dick on some pepperoni in a grocery store because why not?
• Bonus Link: Mama June's portrait, which to be honest reminds me of Kim Kardashian's pregnant feet.

[photo via Gawker]

Ugh. Never letting Mom chaperone again.

[via i-a-b]

Run that shit through Instagram and it'll be Facebook gold.

[via izismile]

Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there.  Thanks for never accidentally cutting off our legs at the Sears portrait studio.

[via The Chive]

All new episodes of Tosh.0 return on Tuesday, May 29 at 10/9c on Comedy Central!

If that doesn't turn you on, I don't know what will.

Am I wrong to think a portrait made out of bathtubs would be more appropriate?

[via Blame It on the Voices]

I'm assuming this was made from Santorum's personal stash?

[via The Conjecturer]

"Now if you two just turn your hats a liiiittle bit more to the side, I bet this photo will make it to the Internet.  There you go…  Perfect."

[via I Heart Chaos]

You asked for a crude drawing of Jay Leno, right?

[via I Am Bored]

Looking for the actual UNCENSORED version of Pricasso using his schlong to paint Daniel's portrait?

Of course you are.  Who isn't?

Not everyone wants to see such smut, so we've put it after the jumpwhere it belongs.  As you can guess, everything that follows is Not Safe For Work.  It's really not that safe for home either…

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