president

He will do everything in his power to reach a unanimous compromise with your pussyhole.

[via Izismile]

Here are all of the clips from tonight's episode that are available on our site:

• This week's Web Redemption was the Plus Size Model (above)
• A street performer punched a heckler
• Some kid threw chopsticks through a bowl
• A lady and a baby were flexible
• We watched a brain freeze competition in this week's Video Breakdown
• We discussed pubic hair with Mema
• A guy answered the question, "What's Your Name?"
• And Daniel started new petitions to the President.

UPDATE HERE

Daniel wants to make some big changes in this country, and he needs your help. Sign the petitions below to get your voice heard!

1. Pass a law to unite the Dakotas into one state.

2. Get rid of all coins. And $10's and $50's. And butterscotch hard candies.

3. Grant US citizenship to any Mexican who can make a killer fish taco.

4. Make Bed, Bath & Beyond mark everything down 20% and stop mailing out those stupid big blue coupons.

5. Force Dave Chappelle to return to television.

Probably my favorite sax-based hip hop group.

[via Greg Johnson]

"I know he said no photos, but I can be sly about it."

[via The Chive]

This is how white guys have to find their penises.

We received hundreds of comments in our most recent Tosh.0 Caption Challenge.

After looking at your likes, we picked the caption above from a comment left by Bobby McGlinchey.

Don't like it? See other top captions by checking out the comments from Monday's post.

Thanks to everyone who submitted! Come back next Monday at 4pm for another edition.

And remember: To enter our next Tosh.0 Caption Challenge using your phone, and to sign up for alerts whenever the latest caption challenge begins, text PUKE to 44686. To cancel, text END to 44686.

"And if you look real close, you'll see your future job market."

Think you have a better caption for this image? Post your own joke about this picture in the comments. Then check back Friday at noon when we'll post our favorite!

And help us choose our favorite by liking the captions you think are best. We'll take your likes into consideration when making our pick.

On a mobile device? Go here.

[photo: AFP/Getty Images]

"Take your hand out of your pants, Mr. President." -Barack's in-ear monitor

Think you have a better caption for this image? Post your own joke about this picture in the comments. Then check back Friday at noon when we'll post our favorite!

And help us choose our favorite by liking the captions you think are best. We'll take your likes into consideration when making our pick.

On a mobile device? Go here.

[photo: Jewel Samad/Staff/Getty Images]

"Next I'll show you how to break L'Chiymen."

We received hundreds of comments in our most recent Tosh.0 Caption Challenge.

After looking at your likes, we picked the caption above from a comment left by Vinny Bodetti.

Don't like it? See other top captions by checking out the comments from Monday's post.

Thanks to everyone who submitted! Come back next Monday at 4pm for another edition.

And remember: To enter our next Tosh.0 Caption Challenge using your phone, and to sign up for alerts whenever the latest caption challenge begins, text PUKE to 44686. To cancel, text END to 44686.

I don't want to know the places that dreidel's been.

Think you have a better caption for this image? Post your own joke about this picture in the comments. Then check back Friday at noon when we'll post our favorite!

And help us choose our favorite by liking the captions you think are best. We'll take your likes into consideration when making our pick.

On a mobile device? Go here.

[photo: Joyce Naltchayan/Staff/Getty Images]