rain

Come hell or high water, I need my eBay purchases.

[via Imgur]

I hope there are strippers in heaven. Or at least a vending machine.

[via I Am Bored]

"I have to pay for my hair appointments. Daddy buys the tech stuff."

[via I am Bored]

Normally I don't solicit strangers for sex, but this is an emergency.

[via Fart Daughter]

That would be awkward.

[via IMNS]

Because you're about to fucking die.

(And no one should die before seeing this.)

[via TBT]

You can actually buy this "Dogbrella" via Hammacher Schlemmer.

This will leave your other hand free to hold a gun you can use to shoot yourself in your cold, wet head as you're walking around your dog with his "Dogbrella."

[via The Daily What]

We received over two thousand comments for our most recent Tosh.0 Caption Challenge!

After much deliberation, we picked the following caption from a comment left by iPod Touch.

The fat asses' alternative to the LeBron James's pregame chalk throw.

Thanks to everyone who submitted! Check back Monday at 4pm for another edition the Tosh.0 Caption Challenge!

And remember: To enter our next Tosh.0 Caption Challenge using your phone, and to sign up for alerts whenever the latest caption challenge begins, text PUKE to 44686. To cancel, text END to 44686.

Think you have a better caption for this image? Post your own joke about this picture in the comments. Then check back Friday at noon when we'll post our favorite!

"Why does it only rain pies the day I start a new diet!?"

On a mobile device? Go here.

This happened to me last week actually…

I was filming the rain …like I always do …BECAUSE THAT'S SUCH A PERFECTLY NORMAL THING TO FILM.

Oh, and I had left the fucking door open.  Did I mention that?  Because I wanted rain to get into my house.  Because after I film the rain, sometimes I forget that it had been raining, so I like to have rain water all over my floor to remind me.

And then after a giant lightning strike, I was like, "I should close this door."  But then I didn't close it.  Because I am an idiot who deserves to be hit by lightning.

[via BuzzFeed]