reality tv

Do you hate your bangs? Because you should.

And if you don't, then you haven't watched enough Tosh.0. Three or four episodes of bang-bashing in a row and any sane person would be pinning those bad boys back.

Anyway, good news, brave bang-havers! You can be on a national TV show! A TV show dedicated to hating bangs!

That's pretty much like being on Tosh.0. Dreams do come true for the ugly!

[via Buzzfeed]

I think we can all agree that people named Kesha are THE COOLEST.

[via Videogum]

If you don't watch Tosh Tuesday, this guy is going to call you and
"apologize". In other words, you'll be sorry.

Four episodes of Tosh.0 start TONIGHT at 8pm. Tune in, slut.

[via Buzzfeed]

In September I told you about what will undoubtedly be the absolute greatest reality television show of all time, "Bridalplasty". Well, now there's a preview.

Holy f**k, you guys. This exists. This is our world. And we are so freaking lucky to live it in!

We've literally thrown all decency and pride out the window.

It's 20fucking10. Pee in public! Compete for plastic surgery! Be a sports star who sends people pictures of his dick!

Literally do whatever you want—as long as the rest of us get to see it.

[via Videogum]

To promote his run for mayor of Wasilla, Levi Johnston appeared on The Last Word where Lawrence O'Donnell asked him the same questions Katie Couric asked Sarah Palin way back when.

My favorite part of the interview came when O'Donnell asked Levi his stance on the morning-after pill: "That's a girl's decision. Same with abstinence. I don't believe in abstinence. I feel like if you're having unprotected sex, you get the girl pregnant, you should have the baby."

Ah, yes. The ol' abortion/abstinence mix up. I do the same thing with the words condoms and condiments. Turns out you can only get one of them in the McDonald's drive-thru.

(Condoms.)

[via Mediaite]

My big problem with any wedding is always the bride. Every time I go to one I'm all like, "This is beautiful. Great apps. But why are you marrying that beast?!?"

Obviously, I think exactly like the producers at E! because they've ordered a news series that combines wedding-themed competitions and…plastic surgery! The Hollywood Reporter explains:

Each week, a group of women competes head-to-head in such challenges as writing wedding vows and planning honeymoons. The winner receives the chance to choose a plastic surgery procedure from her “wish list.” She’s given the procedure immediately, and results are shown at the start of the following week’s episode.

I believe Oscar Wilde said it best when he said*, "That sounds like a fucking brilliant TV show."

*Not an actual Oscar Wilde quote

"Teach: Tony Danza" is an A&E show premiering October 1st about Tony Danza's experience teaching high school students in Philadelphia.

After 30 years doing everything a person can possibly do on television, Tony Danza has left show business to pursue a career teaching on television.

The television audience is really going to miss him. But at least viewers of television will get to see him star in a new TV show.

[via Warming Glow]

$5,000,000 ÷ How Much You'll Make in 2010 = Reason Why No One Will Blame You For Murdering Him

[via THR]

To create successful reality television, simply follow these steps:

1. Combine premises of other shows (preferably ones involving fat people)
2. Pitch to VH1
3. Roll around in your piles of money

I am going to pitch a show where fat people from Jersey live in a large house on a deserted island with celebrity alcoholics.

Tyra Banks judges their manners while Dr. Drew judges their cooking. The winner of the show (male or female) gets to marry Tila Tequila.

It's going to be called American Idol.

Why am I not surprised that people on reality shows constantly say they're not here to make friends?

Reality show contestants have a warped sense of what reality actually is.  They think that going on a reality show is one of the better ways to achieve your personal or career goals.

Want a job?  Get it on a reality show.  Need a mate?  Try a dating show.

What they haven't learned is that the rest of world already has a plan for meeting new people, finding work and achieving any goals they may have set for themselves.  It's called "having FRIENDS."

Maybe if all these reality show people suddenly did decide to be "here to make friends," life would be a lot smoother for them.

Haven't you ever listened to The Beatles?  Or at least Joe Cocker?  Or watched The F*cking Wonder Years for God's sake?!?!?"

[via Videogum]