restaurants

What size would you like? We have small, medium, large or super-sized African American male.

[via Hyper Vocal]

Daniel had a lot more to say to the managers of local restaurants.

Watch the full version of "May I Please Speak to a Manager?" above.

Of course the Amish go to Hooters.  They sure as hell can't watch the game at home.  They don't even have a TV.

[via The Clearly Dope]

I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that the cup is not filled with Cajun style french fries…

[via Reddit]

"AHAHAHAHA!!!!!  That's so funny.  But seriously, stay the fuck out of Arizona." – Arizonans

[via The Daily What]

"Hold on a second here, honey.  Let me check out the lunch time deal."

"Dear lord!  That woman isn't kissing a penis at all!  She's kissing a bird!  It's one thing for a woman to be putting a beautiful penis near her lips, but a filthy bird…  Disgusting.  Let's take our business elsewhere."

[via I Am Bored]

The other day I was at a nice restaurant (I know, I know, I make too much money) and I bit into a mushroom truffle pizza and pulled a rubber band out of my mouth. Because of that tiny piece of elastic, I got a free pizza, free drinks, and a free dessert.

Moral of the story?

BRING A RUBBER BAND WITH YOU TO NICE DINNERS.

Or, if you're going to IHOP, just bring a hair.

[via reddit]