robbery

Incest, fine. But stealing a TV from a public bathroom? Now that's just gross.

[via Video Fantastica]

In his defense, who could turn down the opportunity to work in a sex shop?  You get to serve society's finest group of people: creeps.

[via Failblog / story via Daily Mail]

Brink's Home Security has nothing on Jean Thomas Surveillance, LLC.

[via BIOTV]

A man in a Gumby costume attempted to rob a 7-Eleven on Monday night and the whole thing was caught on camera.

Saddest of all, the Associated Press reported that "the clerk never heard of Gumby. He described the character as a green SpongeBob SquarePants."

Well, he knows who Gumby is now: Gumby is a bad motherfucker who won't think twice about robbing your sorry ass.

But this could be good for Gumby's career.  It's the most screen time he's gotten in two decades.  I smell a comeback.

At the very least can a Gumby Celebrity Rehab be far behind?  Let's see what Dr. Drew knows about green clay.

[via The Daily What]

According to CNN, "A 'flash mob' believed to have been organized on the Internet robbed a Maryland convenience store in less than a minute, police said Tuesday, and now authorities are using the same tool to identify participants in the crime."

This is kind of brilliant if you ask me. Yes, the Internet. Look there.

My dream in high school was to get a bunch of people together in khaki pants and blue polo shirts and just walk around Best Buy. I know, I know. PEOPLE SAY I'M A DREAMER. But it never occurred to me that we could have just walked out with TVs and washing machines.

What are you guys doing today at, say, 6:27PM?

[via BWE]

I think the answer you're searching for is 'duh'.

And you thought it was bad that time the hairdresser cut your sideburns too short! Next time you're whining about anything just remember, you could be in Russia.

Some days you just feel like a gas station robber that can't get his mask on.

[via Buzzfeed]

Also, please leave handguns and notes threatening the teller in your car.

Thanks, Northrim Security

[via reddit]

I could honestly listen to this woman describe a robbery for hours. I would listen to an entire book on tape narrated by her.

If she was the pitch woman for anything, I'd buy it.

"I was leaving the women's bathroom in my black-striped suit for court. And then I was like, I'm a lawyer. And my daddy taught me to be professional around clients. Look at this sauce stain on my pant leg. I'm backin' up, backin' up to the sink. Ahh! Why did I have to eat spaghetti today? So I take off my pants and wash them and I'm like, 'adios, amigos'. And the stains go away. But then my pants are wet! So I use my portable clothes dryer. And yes, sir. It worked. The Mini Dryer To Go was my hero!"

Sold.

[via TBT]

Over the weekend, the above video made waves on the Internet, showing an alleged robber as he eats evidence right off the hood of a police car (around the 15 second mark).

As LiveLeak reports, "A police video camera captured the 35-year-old John Ford of Cleveland grabbing the paper [which police now believe to be the note he handed to a bank teller] with his mouth as police emptied his pockets."  As you can see, he the proceeded to eat the note.

To all you wannabe thieves out there, it's a good idea to keep this move in your repertoire.  However, I suggest making your edible evidence tastier.  Try writing your ransom notes on cookie cakes or exclusively burglarizing doughnut shops.

[via UniqueDaily]