sarah palin

"…and then he, uh, took those bells and sank the Japanese ship in, um, Pearl Bay. And then he jumped inside a big wooden horse and hid there until, uh, nightfall when he rang the bell to set all the, um, slaves free."

Class dismissed.

[via Videogum]

Dear TNT,

Don't ask Tracy Morgan ANYTHING live on-air. Especially if the question regards women or sex or, worst of all, sex with famous women.

Sincerely,

Fans of 30 Rock who know that show is basically a documentary

[via BWE]

TMZ reports that the Palin daughters jumped to action to defend their mom's new show Sarah Palin's Alaska after reading some harsh criticism

…posted on Facebook

…by some dude they used to go to school with

…named "Tre."

Bristol, I know you're not the sharpest knife in the Palin drawer.  You've proved that.  Repeatedly.  And you're terribly uncharismatic.  And are riding your mom's popularity on Dancing with the Stars just like in real life.  Wait, I've gone off course…

The point: Bristol, you might not be bright, but you're an adult, and a mom, and a national spokeswoman for teen abstinence (despite having been a teen mother), and now — because of Dancing with the Stars — a national celebrity.

I hate to break it to you, honey, but at some point, you're going to have to let comments made by "Tre" …on Facebook… go.

God forbid she ever discovers what people are saying about her on EVERY OTHER SITE ON THE INTERNET.  She'd have to block out hours each day just to leave response comments!

But not to be outdone by her sister, this was Willow's take on the matter…

Yikes.  That won't look good on a resume.

Apparently, in Sarah Palin's Alaska taking time to properly raise your 16-year-old daughter is optional if you have a self-aggrandizing television show deal.

This can only end well for America.

To promote his run for mayor of Wasilla, Levi Johnston appeared on The Last Word where Lawrence O'Donnell asked him the same questions Katie Couric asked Sarah Palin way back when.

My favorite part of the interview came when O'Donnell asked Levi his stance on the morning-after pill: "That's a girl's decision. Same with abstinence. I don't believe in abstinence. I feel like if you're having unprotected sex, you get the girl pregnant, you should have the baby."

Ah, yes. The ol' abortion/abstinence mix up. I do the same thing with the words condoms and condiments. Turns out you can only get one of them in the McDonald's drive-thru.

(Condoms.)

[via Mediaite]

Ah-nald mocked fellow politician Sarah Palin on Facebook today when he posted this update saying he can't see Russia from the sky above Alaska.

Sarah Palin has yet to refudiate the claim. But she'll likely say Arnold misunderestimated her. Only Sarah Palin and Shakespeare can see Russia from Alaska. It's a magitastical thing Arnold couldn't begin to compresize.

[via reddit]

On Fox News, Sarah Palin said that the Obamas could "refudiate" what the Tea Party is saying. Then she used the non-word again on Twitter asking peaceful Muslims to "refudiate" Ground Zero Mosque plans.

After being mocked for her word choice, she posted the tweet above. Bad idea. The Shakespeare reference only made things worse.

Reminder: Never compare yourself to Bush and Shakespeare in the same sentence.

In Sarah's defense though, coining words is super exciting!

I say "scroshed", which is like being squished but way worse. (Ex: I was scroshed in the middle of the back seat with ALL of the Brangelina kids.)

And "swut", which is like saying "say what?" but with more urgency and guilt. (Ex: You think I slept with your boyfriend? Swut!?!)

See? Vocabulation is fun!

[via EW]

The big question everyone has been asking on the Internet the past 24 hours… Well, you just read it in the title…  Did Sarah Palin get a boob job?

Partially based on the images above, popular DC gossip site Wonkette is voting "yes" — because why vote "no" when speculating wildly will create an unverified Internet rumor that will drive a ton of traffic to your website.

Personally, I think this whole thing is just stupid.  It's obvious her breasts have increased in size because she is pregnant again.

See!  You don't have to be a DC gossip site to create ridiculous rumors.  Anyone can do it!  And it's a lot of fun…

Like, did you know Sarah Palin's daughter Bristol Palin was a filthy teenage slut?

Hm…  That one is actually true.

[If you think that joke was too rough, keep in mind that Bristol Palin, the girl who had a child at age 18, now gets paid money to give talks on teen abstinence.  Further proving my point that anyone can spew a bunch of bullshit.]

Bristol Palin has a really super effective PSA out right now where she encourages teenage girls to not have sex UNLESS they're rich and famous like her. Because that cute giggly child right there? Her baby? ALMOST ruined her life. Her life would be the pits…if she wasn't so rich and famous.

Well, I suppose that's a good concept for a PSA. Don't do anything I would do because you're not as entitled as me. My main problem with this is not the message. It's the visual execution of the idea.

If you're rich and you have a baby out of wedlock, you wear tweed and have furniture in your apartment. But if you're not rich and you have a baby out of wedlock, you wear a t-shirt and jeans and your hair is PULLED UP INTO A HAIRTIE! And you live in the same apartment, it's just not furnished.

Well, that doesn't look so bad. I mean, I don't have hardwood floors at my place. And I need a couch. Maybe I should be a teen mom! Seems like a step up from what I've got going on now.

[via Gawker]

Do you remember when you were in middle school and you stayed up late on a Sunday night watching Power Rangers and you completely forgot to study for your vocabulary test the next day?

Do you remember how you would write the answers on your hand so you could sneak a peek during the test?

Well, that's what happens in this video. Except the cheater is much older and much more important than you were in middle school.

Do you think Sarah Palin made a boo boo? Here, pass this note around and check yes or no.

[via Buzzfeed]

Asylum compiled a list of the 100 most-searched-for "hotties" on the web. I think we're running out of themes for hot women countdowns because this one is a new low.

First of all, there's a reason people don't just hop onto Google Trends to find hot women: Just because a woman is a "hot search topic" doesn't mean she's all that "hot." "Hot topics" can be influenced by all sorts of things. Take Asylum's #100 on this list: It's Ashley Judd. The highlight of her last 12 months was a disagreement with Sarah Palin over hunting laws. So though Ashley Judd may be a decent looking gal, she probably didn't eek out a spot at the bottom of the list from guys searching out her latest pics. A more likely scenario is that those searches came from other women after seeing her story on the Today Show.  By this logic, everytime Oprah opens her mouth we'd have our latest "hottie."

Secondly, search trends are a compilation of what the general public is searching for. The general public is generally screwed up. I do not want their opinion. If I'm going to check out a movie, I'll read the latest Joe Morgenstern review, because if I took advice from the general public last weekend, the box office would have me seeing Couples Retreat. No thanks.

My point? Leave the hot-women picking up to the editors at Sports Illustrated. And if you don't believe me, there's 98 more reasons not to trust public opinion over at Asylum.