scandal

By "leave them alone", she means make a Youtube video discussing the scandal in such a ridiculous way that it will definitely go viral, just in case other people hadn't heard about it yet.

[via The DW]

This scandal is making me so upset I just want to EXPLODE.

[via The High Definite]

Yesterday afternoon, Gawker broke the story and by that evening Congressman Chris Lee (R-NY) had resigned.

Gossip site Gawker outed Rep. Lee for lying about his marital status and sending the uber-sexy topless photo seen above to a woman he found in Craigslist's personals section.  The married politician almost immediately decided to leave office citing "the harm that my actions have caused my family, my staff and my constituents."

Now, I assume that Chris is a regular reader of the Tosh.0 blog, so I'd appreciate it if the rest of you could stop reading here so I could have a minute with him myself…

Come on, dude?  Craigslist?  You know why most political sex scandals involve call girls and prostitutes?  Because you pay those people money.  And money keeps people quiet.  That's like Politics 101.  Worst case scenario, they try to blackmail you, you pay them more cash.  It's a vicious cycle, but it's a cycle you can control.

And you used your personal Gmail account??  Are you kidding me?  I use an old anonymous Hotmail account on Craigslist if I'm trying to find a used bookshelf.  You didn't realize she'd be able to Google your email address and find out who you were?  What should of given that away is that Google runs Gmail.  You know, Gmail — that thing you're using to send pictures of your congressional pecs to strangers.

And let's talk about those pecs for a second.  Sure, you're in decent shape, but a tight T-shirt wasn't good enough for you?  Or you don't have a pic of you at the beach?  I'm not a woman, but I'm pretty sure if I had to define the word "creepy" with a picture, it'd be of a middle-aged man taking a shirtless photo of himself in a mirror with his cell phone.  The flexing was a nice touch though.

But two years in Congress was a hell of a run for a guy who's this stupid.  You're like a kid who joins the Mafia and immediately starts bragging about all the crimes he commits.  Two years is a long time to not get whacked.  You should take pride in that …the same way you take pride in your body.

We'll miss you, man…

Alright, hopefully no one but former Congressman Chris Lee read that.  It got pretty real.

[via Gawker]

I'd like to make an official motion that all news stories be animated and retold by the Taiwanese. They're just so much better at it than we are.

Where we see an old man's dick, they see a loaded handgun. And where we see a piece of meat, they see an actual piece of meat. The imagery is stupendous!

I would watch CNN all day if it were this good. But it's not. So I'll stick to be completely uninformed about world events.

Now what's all this I hear about a dead bird in Arkansas?

[via NextRound]

This is the poster for Mel Gibson's new movie The Beaver. Reportedly, the film's release date has been postponed multiple times.

The poster looks good. It could use a tagline.

I'd go with something like: Mel Gibson will address your beaver. All he asks is that you do the same.

May as well tie in the rant and sell a few more movie tickets.

[via Dlisted, Coming Soon]

I can let years of repeated infidelity slide: So Tiger Woods likes to have sex with a ton of women — that's understandable.

But what I can't understand is years of being a Nickelback fan.  As TMZ reported, "We know Tiger's a big Nickelback fan — he's even joined them on stage in the past…" discussing his recent trip to a show by the "rock" "band" in Orlando.

How have I not heard of this before?  Hiding your love of porn stars from public view is one thing, but Tiger should have been publicly shamed for being a Nickelback fan long ago.  These people should be forced to go door to door and report themselves to their neighbors like sex offenders.

Truly sick and shameful…  What a deviant!

[via BuzzFeed]

The Masters starts today, marking the first time Tiger Woods will be playing professional golf since his whole loving-strippers-and-porn-stars "scandal."  I put the word "scandal" in quotes because I still don't see what is scandalous about loving strippers and porn stars.  Everyone loves strippers and porn stars!  They are there to be loved!

But Tiger teed off about 18 minutes ago and so far he's off to a good start!  (I have no way of knowing if this is true.  I write my posts way in advance.  I'm just going to assume he's off to a good start because he is Tiger f'in' Woods.)

Also off to a good start: The milking of Tiger's shame for corporate advertising!

Above is the first "post-scandal" TV spot featuring Tiger Woods.  No surprise that Nike is the first to re-embrace the star being that they are no strangers to moving forward after scandal.  (Cough!  Cambodian child slaves!!  Cough!)

You could say the people at Nike are "The Masters" of moving on from scandal.

What?  I already used that pun in the title??  F U, jerks!!!!

[via The Daily What]

The infamous Internet meme Chris Crocker may have given up on Britney Spears- as we all have- but he's got a new pseudo-celeb trainwreck to protect.  And by protect, we mean shout into a webcam.

Here's a peak at Chris Crocker: beautiful man, web heroine, and legendess, who will be redeemed on an all new episode of Tosh.0 on July 9th at 10/9c on Comedy Central!

TUNE IN ON THURSDAYS @ 10/9c TO SEE TOSH.0 ON COMEDY CENTRAL!
CLICK HERE FOR THE SCHEDULE!!!