sexy

Which is scarier: what he's coming home to, or touching anything on the subway?

[via Imgur]

Since you spend all day on the Tosh blog, here's what you're missing on the rest of the web:

• A grown ass man got stuck in a high chair and had to call 911. PS his friends left him there.
• This clip from HBO's Real Sex is one of those WOW moments. I've played it ten times already.
• A drunk angry guy cut off his penis to get back at his girlfriend. Sound logic.
• Tobias Funke in The Shining. This scene still makes me want to pee my cutoffs.
• Girls in and around water is all kinds of sexy! Stay hydrated, kids.
• 'Follow me/Bring beer' sandals. I should say both of those things to potential suitors.
• Kim Kardashian's pregnant feet are- AHHHH.
• A Papa John's delivery guy was busted for delivering $40,000 worth of cocaine. Did he include the garlic sauce??
• Dharma eats spaghetti. Is the singular for spaghetti still spaghetti? She eats ONE spaghetti.
• Justin Bieber has 24 hours to claim his monkey, is definitely not going to.
• A dude rubbed his dick on some pepperoni in a grocery store because why not?
• Bonus Link: Mama June's portrait, which to be honest reminds me of Kim Kardashian's pregnant feet.

[photo via Gawker]

Since you spend all day on the Tosh blog, here's what you're missing on the rest of the web:

• This might be the sexiest video on YouTube. The simplicity of it!
• A deer plowed through a bus window and lived to tell his deer friends about it.
• An inmate is suing Taco Bell for stealing his idea for the Doritos Locos shell. I believe him because if I were in jail I'd be coming up with great Doritos inventions as well.
• This power lift is 100% beast mode. Russia.
• What happens to the losing team's championship shirts? You will not be surprised by this.
• Don't be afraid of love!! God dammit this is a good video.
• Rihanna LOVES fingering herself. What! That's what her shirt says!
• A man robbed a store. His defense is that the store's called Finders Keepers. Fair argument, case dismissed.
• A dog is crying while watching Mufasa die in The Lion King. I feel you, bro.
• And a shopping cart fail compilation. It's as if the only thing they're good for is holding your groceries.

[photo via Barstool]

This one was free with the purchase of some milk!

[via Acid Cow]

Don't look at it too long- it's actually hypnotizing you to like Keeping Up With The Kardashians.

[via Failblog]

Finish her!

We received hundreds of comments in our most recent Tosh.0 Caption Challenge.

After looking at your likes, we picked the caption above from a comment left by C-Lo Taftanaz.

Don't like it? See other top captions by checking out the comments from Monday's post.

Thanks to everyone who submitted! Come back next Monday at 4pm for another edition.

And remember: To enter our next Tosh.0 Caption Challenge using your phone, and to sign up for alerts whenever the latest caption challenge begins, text PUKE to 44686. To cancel, text END to 44686.

Since you spend all day on the Tosh blog, here's what you're missing on the rest of the web:

• Excellent mug shots. Somebody's rockin' the smoky eye!
• Tan Mom's music single IS the internet.
• A man got sent a threatening dildo. I wonder if he kept it.
• How to make a graduation cap flask so you can be a shitshow in front of your girlfriend's parents.
• This is the best shopping list ever, even though she forgot Fudgesicles.
• Sexy girls' underboobs! Most of the real weight's down there anyway.
• Here's the Charles Ramsey interview. Yes, salsa dancing.
• 5 most ridiculous lies ever told to impress a woman. Why isn't "My dick is huge" on there?
• Lewiston, Maine residents respond to the fires, are just classy to the max.
• And JA RULE IS OUT OF PRISON!! It must be the ass, that got me like that…

Since you spend all day on the Tosh blog, here's what you're missing on the rest of the web:

• Mama June got married in a camo dress. Ironically, I wish I hadn't seen her in it. 
• A very vulgar kid, who I can only assume is Mike The Miz twenty years ago.
• Baby eyebrows are all kinds of scary.
• Jose Canseco is great at Twitter. But Shaq's better.
• Sexy girls in sports bras, anyone? My diet starts Monday. Ah fuck it IS Monday.
• This chick took a calculator to prom. I wonder if it took her V-card (Volume card).
• Here's a baby water-skiing in gross water. Parenting, amiright?
• Mother's Day gift guide! Which is 85% kitchen-related.
• Old lady twins who always dress the same? They've spent their entire husbandless lives arguing about which necklace they're going to wear.
• And IRON MAN 3 FULL MOVIE STREAMING ONLINE FOR FREE!! You're welcome.

[photo via Buzzfeed]

Did you say something? Sorry I'm busy doing ONE MILLION SQUATS.

[via Barstool]

Here at the Tosh blog, we get thousands of e-mails a day, all asking the same thing: "How can I spice up the relationship between me and my dog?" Good news! We may have found a cure for your canine-related blues.

Now that's a "HOT" "DOG!"

I'd like to take THIS one to the "pound", if you know what I mean! (Have sex with it.)

This one just seems sad. A.K.A. is the sexiest one of all! HELLO!

Jokes I didn't use in this post:

More like "All Dogs Go To HARD-ON!"
This one's giving me a total "Milk-BONER!"
I am literally jerking off to these pantyhose-wearing dogs!

Okay, that's it.

[via Laughing Squid]