sign

I want to, but I'm having trouble finding your establishment's fart box.

[via The Chive]

Wow, the Stevenson's daughter is kind of a bitch.

Great handwriting though.

[via Acid Cow]

All day long? Is your baby daddy Scrooge McDuck?

[via The Chive]

Also: Thank her for aborting the other ones when she was in high school.

[via Izismile]

Since you spend all day on the Tosh blog, here's what you're missing on the rest of the web:

• Richard Branson dressed up like a lady. Turns out he has great legs. 
• Animal Livestreams! Go ahead. Watch baby ducks all day.
• Goldblumings might be the best single-topic tumblr ever.
• Meet wheelie man. He does wheelies like, all the time.
• Hot girls wash cars with their boobs. Women's rights!
• Kanye West ran his face into a sign, promptly flips the fuck out.
• Everyone wants to live on Mars, which is weird because Mars looks boring as shit.
• Mind the gap is all about girl's butts in underwear. I'm really delivering the T&A today.
• A woman got arrested on a flight and wouldn't stop singing I Will Always Love You. I honestly don't see the problem here.
• And here's what a missed connection in Alaska looks like. Hint: birding.

[photo via Buzzfeed]

I'd say hello back, but I haven't read your sign OR made eye contact.

[via I am Bored]

Yeah, but does it do anal?

[via Izismile]

Get the deluxe package. It includes mylar balloons and a smoke machine.

[via Acid Cow]

Fixin' Uglies Since 1973. (Coincidentally the year I got married!)

[via Eat Liver]

Or as I like to call it, "whores playing hooky."

[via Break]