signs

I was fine with California legalizing the sale of pot, but this is getting a little ridiculous.

[via Izismile]

ME: Do I have something stuck in my teeth?

YOU: Yes.  I told you.  10 packages worth of spinach!

[via Reddit]

Or say "I can't bear to look you in the eyes" by cumming on her back.  Your choice.

[via HP]

"Hey, I am not a bitch!  I am a recreational 5K runner! …  Okay, maybe I am a bitch."

[via Tastefully Offensive]

Follow up question: Does he need more singles?

[via The Clearly Dope]

"Oooooh!  That's a good price for fuckin'!  But let's keep shopping around.  Maybe we can get fuckin' somewhere else for even cheaper.  Maybe we'll check your mom's house."

[via theCHIVE]

Jesus didn't even have electricity.  What the fuck does he care!?

[via Break]

Who am I?  Ben Roethlisberger??

[via Failblog]

Personally, I prefer calling Jose.  Sometimes he brings empanadas.

[via Izismile]

From the makers of Frosted Freaks, Apple Jerks and Cinnamon Toast Cunt!

[via The Chive]