spencer pratt

The Huffington Post had this to report yesterday:

"Heidi Montag has filed for separation from Spencer Pratt. She cited irreconcilable differences in a court document submitted Tuesday in Santa Monica, Calif.

Montag and Pratt are stars of the MTV series 'The Hills' and have been married since last April. The series is in its final season."

Yeah, I was as shocked as you are… "THE HILLS" IS STILL ON THE AIR?!?!

I never thought I'd give Heidi Montag any credit, but at least, unlike MTV, she knows when it's time for something to come to an end.

[NOTE: I am required by law to disclose that MTV is also owned by Comedy Central's parent company Viacom and that publishing this post may get me fired.]

[image via TMZ]

In tonight's episode of The Hills, "waste-of-space" Spencer lists the things he lets Heidi do, "I don't let her go on TV, no computers. The only thing Heidi does is read and write poetry and pray and pet puppies… She is logged out of The Matrix."

Wow. What a serene life.

You are probably just as curious as I was to read one of Heidi's pieces of poetry.

So here you go. After a little digging, I made up happened upon a poem Heidi wrote just last week. Close your Bible and grab your puppies because this is a TOSH.0 EXCLUSIVE!

My name is Heidi and I have a face

I used to have an old face but now I have a new face

My boobs are bigger than before and I got a new bathing suit

It is cute

My new bathing suit

I named it Anthony

Swim, swim, swim. Pat the bunny.

[via Gawker]

The following is an actual quote from Spencer Pratt. No, I'm not making this up. And yes, you should be scared.

"Upon learning of President Obama's declaration that the 'cyber threat is one of the most serious economic and national security challenges we face as a nation,' I have decided to refocus my energy and devote my full resources to helping America face this and other unprecedented challenges," Pratt told People.

"My new mission is this: To do my part in maintaining the technological superiority of the U.S. military and prevent emerging technologies from threatening our nation's security."

Well, guys, I'm moving to Canada. Spencer's never heard of Canada so I should be safe.

[via Gawker]