stars

Since you spend all day on the Tosh blog, here's what you're missing on the rest of the web:

• Happy hump day! Who doesn't love butts.
• Autotune of the Charles Ramsay interview. The magic of the internet strikes again.
• How 10 porn stars lost their virginity. Shockingly not with the loves of their lives.
• Parkour fail compilation because FALLING! Classic.
• Tiger Woods got drunk at the Met Gala, thinks his eyes look totally sober.
• A 17-year-old invents program to keep Twitter from spoiling your favorite TV shows. How smart do you feel now?
• Don't do meth. Ever.
• Thief steals FOUR laptops by hiding them under cat food. Never. Trust. Cat people.
• 17 internet dating profiles that will make you stay single. So many sword references.
• And a big girl movin' it. Everything about this makes sense to me.

[photo via The Chive]

This whole time I thought celebs kept their groceries in that crevasse between their wings.

[via EatLiver]

The Internet is up in arms today about an article that has been making the rounds talking about how due to shifts in the Earth's axis, all of our horoscopes should be changed.

Uh, huh…  In other news:

• Bigfoot is 6 inches taller than previously thought!
• The Loch Ness Monster is actually Irish!
• Women who get sawed in half have more well adjusted children!
• Jesus could also turn water into a number of varieties of scotch!

All nonsense.

[via The Daily What]

Unhappy people from left to right: Kate Hudson, Kristen Stewart, Claire Danes, Mia Wasikowska

Happy freaking Wednesday morning, people. Meh. Bleh. Boo.

Do you ever wake up in the morning and think to yourself, I have no reason to get up and go to work today? Well, it?s time to ditch the self-pity and count your blessings.

Because at least you?re not a highly paid actress being forced to sit in the godforsaken front row for a Burberry event at London Fashion Week in some yawn-inducingly expensive clothes.

Could their lives be any less exciting? ?Oh, god, not another plaid trenchcoat??

We should feel grateful our days aren?t this bleak. Amirite?!?

[via Best Week Ever, photo via Getty Images]