steal

Since you spend all day on the Tosh blog, here's what you're missing on the rest of the web:

• Happy hump day! Who doesn't love butts.
• Autotune of the Charles Ramsay interview. The magic of the internet strikes again.
• How 10 porn stars lost their virginity. Shockingly not with the loves of their lives.
• Parkour fail compilation because FALLING! Classic.
• Tiger Woods got drunk at the Met Gala, thinks his eyes look totally sober.
• A 17-year-old invents program to keep Twitter from spoiling your favorite TV shows. How smart do you feel now?
• Don't do meth. Ever.
• Thief steals FOUR laptops by hiding them under cat food. Never. Trust. Cat people.
• 17 internet dating profiles that will make you stay single. So many sword references.
• And a big girl movin' it. Everything about this makes sense to me.

[photo via The Chive]

Three drunk guys stealing a penguin — Australian for "gaaaaaaaaay."

[via Gawker]

Twenty-year-old Michael Baker of Kentucky was charged last month with stealing gasoline from a police cruiser after he posted a photo of the theft on his Facebook page.

No word yet on whether the fashion police made an arrest for the sideways hat.

[via The Daily What]

REWARD OFFERED FOR ANYONE WHO FOUND A GREY BIKE NEAR ST. NICHOLAS' CATHEDRAL. MEET ME IN THE MAIN STREET ALLEY AT MIDNIGHT.

CASH REWARD.

HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT OTHER SIGN OVER THERE.

-MIKE

[via BWE]

Shame on him for stealing. And extra shame on him for perpetuating a stereotype.

I hope his next fortune cookie is blank!

[via The Daily What]

I can't tell what's going on, Seagull. Because you just showed me one aerial shot and then the rest was a sexy pair of legs.

Yeah, this seems like a great idea until you realize that every gay dude on planet Earth will want to steal your awesome iPod!

[via EPICponyz]

This is how the Trojan War started, right?

Paris took a pen from the King of Sparta? It was the most beautiful pen in all the world. King Menelaus wanted it back so he recruited his brother and they attacked the city.

It's been a while since I've seen Troy but I think that's the plot.

Czechs better watch out.

[via Videogum]

I'm not going to fall into any racial traps on this one…

It could have been the black guy or any one of his girlfriends on stage.

[via Reddit]

I am having so much goddamn fun learning to play that dude's bassoon right now.

[via The Daily What]