The big celebrity story over the weekend: Tiger Woods sustaining some facial lacerations from a "car crash."
…or so that was the story being told by the "traditional news media" — those fact-checking wimps!
By the day after the incident, TMZ was reporting†that the real culprit behind Tiger's cut up face was his wife, Elin Nordegren.† The two supposedly had been arguing about an affair Tiger was allegedly having.
Here's the deal: Ever since TMZ broke the news of Michael Jackson's death, I've been weary of doubting them on anything they report.† Those guys have infiltrated local police precincts around the country worse than a Mexican drug cartel.† If we ever enter a state of national emergency, the best solution might be to put TMZ in charge.† They're like the CIA, INTERPOL and your gossipy Jewish aunt all rolled into one.
Also, supposedly Nordegren helped save Tiger from the wreckage by smashing through the back window of his SUV with a golf club.† Using a golf club to smash Tiger's window isn't the kind of irony one can whip up in an emergency situation after the body's gone into a state of shock; that's what goes down in a premeditated argument when rage instantly seeks the strongest source of revenge.
So you can already see the holes in the Woods' story.
Plus, you have to doubt the whole car crash thing.† We all know Tiger's strength is his driving.† Now, if he had putted his SUV into a tree, that I could believe.