Tiger Woods

Since you spend all day on the Tosh blog, here's what you're missing on the rest of the web:

• Happy hump day! Who doesn't love butts.
• Autotune of the Charles Ramsay interview. The magic of the internet strikes again.
• How 10 porn stars lost their virginity. Shockingly not with the loves of their lives.
• Parkour fail compilation because FALLING! Classic.
• Tiger Woods got drunk at the Met Gala, thinks his eyes look totally sober.
• A 17-year-old invents program to keep Twitter from spoiling your favorite TV shows. How smart do you feel now?
• Don't do meth. Ever.
• Thief steals FOUR laptops by hiding them under cat food. Never. Trust. Cat people.
• 17 internet dating profiles that will make you stay single. So many sword references.
• And a big girl movin' it. Everything about this makes sense to me.

[photo via The Chive]

These guys win the Halloween meme reenactment award!

Did you know that contest existed? Well it did. But it's too late to enter because these dudes have taken the cake. There's no topping this shot.

Congrats, Tiger and Cigar Guy. You'll be receiving a double rainbow in the mail.

[via Blame it on the Voices]

I'm done making fun of Tiger Woods. The jokes have run dry. We've all moved on. He's back to playing golf and we're back to making fun of Justin Bieber. Life is in order again.

But I'm posting this anyway. Because this is not a joke. This is art.

[via Julia Segal]

Here at Tosh.0 we love making fun of celebrities.

Luckily, pop stars, actors, and Tiger Woods have given us a lot of material to work with.

So let's revisit some of the best celebrity-related posts of the past year.

The Real Tiger Woods' Scandal – Sure, the philandering was unacceptable. But Mike uncovered the dirt on an even bigger issue at hand.

Lindsay Lohan Suing Over Name – That milkaholic Lindsay made headlines again when she decided to sue E-Trade over the talking baby ad.

Justin Bieber: Joke Stealer – Many of you were as upset as I was when the baby lesbian ripped Mitch Hedberg's material.

James Franco Writes Fiction – There's lots of ketchup randomness going on in James Franco's fiction piece he wrote for Esquire. What's ketchup randomness? I have no f*cking clue.

Rob Pattinson is 'Allergic to Vaginas' – Teen hearthrob Rob Pattinson says he is "allergic to vaginas" and 100,000 girls across the country opt for a sex change.

ABOVE: Ricky Martin is Gay – Some would argue that this news story classified as one of the most shocking of all time.

I can let years of repeated infidelity slide: So Tiger Woods likes to have sex with a ton of women — that's understandable.

But what I can't understand is years of being a Nickelback fan.  As TMZ reported, "We know Tiger's a big Nickelback fan — he's even joined them on stage in the past…" discussing his recent trip to a show by the "rock" "band" in Orlando.

How have I not heard of this before?  Hiding your love of porn stars from public view is one thing, but Tiger should have been publicly shamed for being a Nickelback fan long ago.  These people should be forced to go door to door and report themselves to their neighbors like sex offenders.

Truly sick and shameful…  What a deviant!

[via BuzzFeed]

In this week's edition of Celebrities Thinking We Care About Their Opinion On Everything, Including Other Celebrities we've got Jim Carrey defending Tiger Woods and criticizing wife Elin over the affair.

A newly single Carrey posted several tweets last week regarding the Tiger Woods scandal. He defended the golf star saying Tiger "owes nothing 2 anyone but himself" and that Elin was "ignoring the obvious".

Welp, I guess we've heard it all now, right? Jim Carrey has given his opinion on the matter so we can finally put this thing to rest? All righty, then*.

In next week's Celebrities Thinking We Care About Their Opinion On Everything, Including Other Celebrities, Demi Moore tweets her disapproval of Kim Kardashian's use of the word pimpin'.

Oh, no, wait. That already happened. Well, I'm sure somebody will give their unwarranted opinion on something. And then we'll all hear about it.

*Yes, Ace Ventura quotes will forever be topical.

[via PopWatch]

The only two things people are talking about today are Tiger's Nike ad and the iPad. The Internet is buzzing with remixes of the philandering golf star's newest commercial and reviews of Apple's latest gadget.

Personally, I'm tired of hearing about both (mainly because I feel like the only loser who didn't sleep with Tiger Woods AND doesn't own an iPad). So I'm bringing you fake news instead!

It's a press release written by Tony Stark (Robert Downey, Jr.'s Iron Man character) in which he invites us all to join him at the Stark Expo May 7th. Get it? That's the day Iron Man 2 comes out.

I didn't need this to remind me of the importance of May 7th. I'll be seeing the movie opening night because I literally have nothing better to do.

Will you be at the theaters May 7th? Or will you all be too busy Skyping your ex-boyfriend Tiger Woods on your iPads? You lucky brats.

[via I Watch Stuff]

The Masters starts today, marking the first time Tiger Woods will be playing professional golf since his whole loving-strippers-and-porn-stars "scandal."  I put the word "scandal" in quotes because I still don't see what is scandalous about loving strippers and porn stars.  Everyone loves strippers and porn stars!  They are there to be loved!

But Tiger teed off about 18 minutes ago and so far he's off to a good start!  (I have no way of knowing if this is true.  I write my posts way in advance.  I'm just going to assume he's off to a good start because he is Tiger f'in' Woods.)

Also off to a good start: The milking of Tiger's shame for corporate advertising!

Above is the first "post-scandal" TV spot featuring Tiger Woods.  No surprise that Nike is the first to re-embrace the star being that they are no strangers to moving forward after scandal.  (Cough!  Cambodian child slaves!!  Cough!)

You could say the people at Nike are "The Masters" of moving on from scandal.

What?  I already used that pun in the title??  F U, jerks!!!!

[via The Daily What]

A restaurant in Thailand has created a life-size Tiger Woods doll dressed in condoms. It's wearing a belt buckle that reads, "Let's do it Tiger" and it's aimed at promoting safe-sex or making Tiger look like a rainbow fish. Either way, it succeeds.

It's an odd choice of promotional celebrity, though, considering Tiger's mistresses claimed he never used condoms.

Maybe we can get a Heidi Montag doll dressed in a burka with a belt buckle that reads, "I believe in natural beauty"? Or… I don't know, a Daniel Tosh doll dressed in a fruit costume with a belt buckle that reads, "My show can afford this".

My point is, Tiger isn't the best safe sex role model. But wear condoms anyway. Especially if you're sleeping with porn stars and ladies who work at Perkins.

And speaking of Daniel Tosh dressed in a fruit costume, (segue!) don't forget to vote for the Elite Eight. Tiger Woods and I are voting for mesh tank tops. Because we both like to see skin. Lots of pasty skin.

[via Gawker]

We dug through hundreds of comments looking for the best user submitted caption for our most recent Tosh.0 Caption Challenge.

After much deliberation, we picked the following caption from a comment left by the user Brian.

Yoko Ono tries to break up Siegfried & Roy.

Thanks to everyone who submitted!  Check back tomorrow at 12 pm for another edition the Tosh.0 Caption Challenge where you'll once again have an opportunity to try to prove if you're funnier than Tosh.0!

And remember: To enter our next Tosh.0 Caption Challenge using your phone, and to sign up for alerts whenever the latest caption challenge begins, text TOSH to 44686. To cancel, text END to 44686.